Doctors (or not): Biologically why do we feel this pain after the split? mophead123: Ok this one goes out to all the doctors in the house or anyone who feels qualified or unqualified to answer. Why the hell do all of us feel so damn awful and rip oursleves apart after the split. Is it mourning? Why are our bodies programmed to make us feel this way? What possible advantage does this bring to us. Is it to make sure we never let it happen again so we will forever remember? But even so, when someone goes through traumatic injury it is said that often they don't even feel the pain...the body numbs it with endorphins..sure afterwards you may be a little bit in pain through the recovery, but the reason your body kicks ups the endorphins is to prevent you from a complete plethora of pain. Why doesn't it do that now? Shouldn't being cheated on, lied to, having your soul ripped out and stomped on qualify? I just can't figure out the biological point of having people dwell on the past, want people back who hurt them, become consumed, blame themselves, not be able to meet their next mate for sometimes years etc....How does this support evolutionary theory? This clearly does not help one to maintain their genetic well being.
Thoughts anyone...???
Re: Doctors (or not): Biologically why do we feel this pain after the split? MadorSad: I think it is a mind thing.... When I'm not thinking about this stuff I feel so good but the second I start I feel like sh!t... been that way for a long time :(
My 2 bits
MoS
Re: Doctors (or not): Biologically why do we feel this pain after the split? mophead123: MoS- I understand when we all feel like this. I'm just saying biologically, as in from the perspective of science, what are the benefits of our minds feeling this way. As in survival of the fittest all that Darwin theory...what evolutionary advantage or purpose does it serve us? And if it IS in the end negative, why wouldn't this element have died off by now...???
Re: Doctors (or not): Biologically why do we feel this pain after the split? WhiskeyGirl: Grief has many different reasons, but for most of us it is a way of purging and cleansing our souls - so we can feel renewed, we can free ourselves from useless clutter that stored would only impede our progress. We must suffer throught the grief in order to go on without baggage and live our lives to the fullest!
Re: Doctors (or not): Biologically why do we feel this pain after the split? myowncanoe: Behavioural neuroscience student here putting in a vote for the attachment theory of emotion ;)
http://www.psych.uiuc.edu/~rcfraley/attachment.htm
That's a good summary.
When one is attached/bonded to another in a strong way and that other threatens the sanctity of the attachment or abandons ship, then one is emotionally thrown all over the place and copes according to their attachment style. It does not matter how terribly an attachment figure behaves because you two are attached. This is demonstrated in children/wives who are beaten and abused but still prefer to stay with parent/spouse than leave.
Once the attachment is dissolved, the grieving process takes hold
* Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
* Anger (why is this happening to me?)
* Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
* Depression (I don't care anymore)
* Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)
Here's a good article on mate-poaching
http://web.archive.org/web/20050218143357/psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/Shaver/Publications/schachner02.pdf
And some other interesting papers here http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/labs/Shaver/projects/handout.html
The definitive attachment texts if you care to delve:
Bowlby, J.. Attachment and loss, Vol. 1: Attachment. New York: Basic Books; & Hogarth Press. 1969.
Bowlby, J.. Attachment and loss, Vol. 2: Separation: Anxiety & anger. New York: Basic Books; 1973.
Bowlby, J.. Attachment and loss, Vol. 3: Loss: Sadness & depression. New York: Basic Books; 1980.
The advantage to attachment is that we do become entwined and form long-term stable relationships with others. The pain at the end is the flipside of intense attachment. On a side note - very few animals mate for life and this may be part of the problem for humans in maintaining life-term relationships.
Another theory is the addictive quality of love
http://www.peele.net/lib/love.html
There's my thoughts ... ;D
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