World Collapsing Part Two!! Debbisea: Hello Everyone:
Well the long weekend is over, and I am even more stressed than ever. I discovered that my husband has been speaking with and texting his exgirlfriend. He was away last week and they spoke 3 times in one night and a few times other than that. She called him friday night and text him on Sunday.
He told me previous to my discovery that he has not spoken to her or text her at all. However, she did call him on his birthday and so did 15 other women. SO he says. I asked him to end the relationship on that day, but I guess that didn't work.
I confronted him on Monday. I told him to call her in front of me and to tell her to leave him alone, but she wasn't home. We spoke about it and he promised me that nothing was going on. He just had a lot of guilt because he hurt her. He had plans to move her out here. The house we are renting out he bought for them. He made me feel so guilty because she was an innocent bystander in this that I felt bad about even saying something to him. He said he loves me and has no intentions of leaving.
I believed him. I spent the rest of the weekend thinking about this because he blatently lied to me. It does hurt to think that he still communicates with her.
Last night I decided it was time to ask him for his bank statements and credit card statements. Just as he did mine. He FLIPPED out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He said no. He was enraged and claimed he was hiding nothing. I asked him what funds he used to buy the other house. He still claims his boss lent him 300,000.
He told me that he now wants a divorce. He said that I have a hidden agenda.
I have no hidden agenda. I just want to make myself feel less guilty about my spending. In 5 months he spent over 50000 on himself and his girlfriend that I can find.
He made me beg every month for money to pay the bills. I never had enough to pay for anything other than the essentials. IT TRULY BOTHERS ME THAT HE LET MY CHILDREN STRUGGLE. WE ALL DID WHILE HE TRAVELED AND SPENT MONEY ON ROLEX WATCHES AND TRIPS MORE THAN 10 WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND.
Mind you:::: I never would have asked to see his finances because I believed him if he didn't pressure me. He is able to hide money. He got a back bonus from 2003 this past May that I discovered. Don't know where that money is.
I don't want a divorce. I don't know what to do.
Re: World Collapsing Part Two!! Lome: Sorry you are here.
Hugs and support offered.
Where to begin.
1. This lady was not INNOCENT....there is no way that a married man can fake it ....it is just not possible. So, she knew she was with a married person.....that means that she is slightly lacking on the morality scale....there are exceptions of course...but, she is a home wrecker!
2. He is hiding Money! He should have been taking care of his family first....instead, somebody wanted to be Mr. Big Shot Playa....his trips and toys were for his ego! Think of this like email...I have several male friends that I email often...and you know what! I don't care how flirty or silly the messages are...I have nothing to hide! My husband is welcomed to read (or respond) to anything that I write.
3. He spent YOUR money on a place for HER! Hello, would you feel guilty if he asked you to borrow money so that he could go buy some strawberry flavored love jell? What about if Kitten really, really needed to get that "oh so cute" 'ittle belly button ring with the 'ittle diamond in it? Go ahead and break the kids' piggy bank...Kitten will be so hot showing her new bling bling.
4. Now mind you, I am not questioning your husband's honesty here...but, I know when we try to collect $5 a head for a bridal shower or something...that getting the cash from everyone is tough....So what type of salary allows one's boss to just loan this type of cash? Is it a secured loan? Have you seen the paper work? What is the interest rate? and what happens if the boss transfers or your husband is downsized?
5.By the way, he is acting like a jerk. he was the one who could not keep his pants on....so your feelings need to be really kept in mind...and he is throwing a temper tantrum? because there may be a trust issue? Hello, he just did a "very naughty" thing and will need to work really hard to get over that problem.
6. He is not playing fair. My love, has gotten and replied to emails for "her". He told me (read them outloud, cc a copy to me) and together we discussed how he was to respond. IT is Me or Nothing! We have agreed that if her car catches on fire and she phones him....he is allowed to call 911 or a tow truck! Notice....Kitten maybe would not think to call these numbers herself.
7. Start collected every scrap of paper you have that deals with the money. I live in a no fault state...so the money can be completely blown by him and it is ok....but, in a divorce you will need to show a pattern.
What about his past tax returns? The IRS does not take to kindly to hidden money.
8.I love my husband. I did not want a divorce. But, I have discovered that cheaters only think of themselves.... it takes a rare person to want to change. From your husband's actions, it looks like he is unwilling to admit fault. Lying becomes second nature only to the excitement and guilt.
9. Could going to a religious head or therapy help?
10. Keep your cool. If you blow up, he will become defensive. Remember, everyone needs to be the hero of his/her life. Thus, in his mind....he deserved happiness, he works hard, and it was justifiable what he did...he did not really hurt anyone....and if he did, that does not really matter because he just felt so good being with her....not the way he has felt in many years....
So, in a nuetral place at a peaceful time...when you think you can get an honest answer...record and share questions about the 2 of you.
Just remember...he may be hurtful and you may not like the answers.
Good luck
