Need advice, please! irishman33: hello everyone, it's been months since i posted. things have been up and down and just when i have gotten over my wife (we separated over 5 months ago) she tries to come back into my life. it started this past saturday, i went over to her place because she had called me a couple of times earlier in the day. just when i was about to leave i looked at her and she looked at me and she hugged me (has not done this for months) and kissed me as well. i was taken back and didn't know what to do so i left.
the next day i had to go into work until midnight and she called and said that she was at a party and would call me later. she never called so i phoned her just to make sure she was okay......she then told me that i should come over to the party. i got there a little after 1am, just when it was winding down. we hung out for awhile and the next thing i know she is sitting on my lap. a little while later we decided to leave and i was going to drive her home. next thing i know she is going through my phone in the car and accusing me going out all the time and seeing other people. i have gone out a few times with friends, but she gave me no indication that i mattered to her.....so i proceeded to get on with my life. anyways, so we were going back in forth in the car and it was getting pretty heated. i could feel the jealousy.......
so, we got back to her apartment and i ended up coming inside. we got up to her room and started kissing and what have you. we then continued our conversation from earlier......she then told me that she still loved me and that she had wanted this moment for a long time. she started crying and getting emotional telling me that this has been hard on her (that was the first time she cried in 6 months)......like it hasn't for me. i asked about the wedding and she told me that her mom wanted her to go up to catch the bouquet, she then told me that she told her that she was not single. needless to say we ended up having a fantastic night and next day. we hung out and kissed and held each other. we parted by kissing and telling each other we loved one another.
so, it's been a couple of days and i really haven't heard from her. my question would be how to continue this without the pressure. do i sit back and let her contact me or should i try to contact? was all the stuff she revealed the other night valid? thanks for any assistance
irishman
Re: Need advice, please! Older Guy: I say go for it ...that is of course if you want to ?
Bob
Re: Need advice, please! turning leaf: I'm on a funk today and you may not like my reply. You've been separated over 5 mos. and now she's moving heaven and earth to be with you? looks like whatever she cooked up when you first separated did not go well as 'planned'. also, how much alcohol has she been drinking in the party? maybe those sweet nothings and jealous rampage was brought about by the alcohol?
[quote author my question would be how to continue this without the pressure.
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so do you really want to continue this? if you're willing to play the wait and see kinda game, you're on. bottomline is, everytime there is contact or no-contact, your mind works double time and your heart has its own tug of war thing going on as well.
I say sit back and wait until she's detoxified enough to talk to you about her feelings without the lap-sitting scene and jealous fits. And why are you letting her check your phone?
Re: Need advice, please! irishman33: thanks for the advice, i would have to say that i am definately torn when it comes to our relationship. i would love more than anything to work it out and move on through counseling, on the other hand we both hurt each other emotionally.
the whole time we spoke that night was not in a drunken stupor......she had been drinking that day but stopped at a certain point earlier in the evening. as far as her getting to my mobile, she happened to grab it from the sunvisor.....i quickly grabbed it back after she started checking.
i guess i will just lay low for now and let her continue to come to me. should i go ahead and schedule a counseling appointment? or ask her again and then schedule one?
Re: Need advice, please! turning leaf: is she willing to go to counseling with you? maybe it would help too if you go to separate counseling/therapy. if she's willing to go with you, very good. schedule it but do not ever think that things will change overnight. the problem with trial separation (like you've been separated over 5 mos. and have managed to lived your life the way you wanted it) is that a lot of issues related to jealousy and sometimes, money during the time of separation, come up in arguments when you're actually trying to work things out. there's a thin line that is very scary to tread.
i have battered women clients who tell me that they'd rather be physically battered than emotionally-scarred. the rationale still puzzles me as i type this and i can only shake my head.
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