I Wote This In Therapy - Part II - Please Share Your Thoughts rjack0612: Out of the blue, I began to suffer panic attacks on an almost daily basis. I would break into a cold sweat and become consumed with an overwhelming sense of dread. I was scared of everything and nothing in particular at the same time. My attention span vanished and I could not sit still long enough to watch a commercial let alone try to distract myself by viewing a movie. I developed an irresistible urge to just keep moving. In a futile attempt to take the edge off, I began to crack open a bottle of vodka after work each day. This only caused me to sink deeper and deeper into an abyss of despair.
Just when it seemed that things couldn’t possibly get any worse, what was left of my now hollow world silently spun off of its axis.
One day while I was at work, my wife, beaten down by the seemingly endless string of catastrophes that had befallen us, as well as my reaction to them, packed her bags and left. She just couldn’t take it anymore.
The sense of betrayal I felt, coupled with the already existing issues sent me careening out of control. It was only then, at the lowest ebb of my life that I somehow managed to summon a long forgotten ounce of fortitude that enabled me to finally reach out for the professional help I needed. I literally crawled into the office of a psychologist.
I was diagnosed as suffering from acute depression. I have been going to counseling sessions weekly for the past several months. In addition, I am taking one of the multitudes of anti-depression medications that now seem to be on the market. It has not been easy but I proud to say I am doing very, very well these days.
From an emotional point of view, I consider my wife’s abandonment of me and our marriage as a self-centered and cowardly act. However, with the veil of hopelessness finally peeled away, I can see that I am in no position to judge. I never had to walk in her shoes. It must have been beyond frustrating for her to not be able to help me. However, what she didn’t realize is that she couldn’t help me. The only person who could help me, was me.
Depression is a disease. It can be controlled but the sufferer must first come to the realization that they have a problem. In reality, it is quite similar to a person struggling with a chemical dependency. No amount of intervention will work until they are willing to admit they have a problem.
There is no way that either one of us can undue the damage that has been caused through our illness or actions. I can only move forward and hopefully now be attuned to the warning signs to avoid ever falling into that bottomless pit of angst again.
Though I would not wish the pain I have gone through on anyone, it enabled me to come to terms with the single most important person in my life, me. For that, I am thankful.
Re: I Wote This In Therapy - Part II - Please Share Your Thoughts Ilosther: Wow, wow.
What an ordeal you have been through. I am glad you finally got treatment for depression. It must've been hell. And now that your wife has left you, again, hell.
What caused the depression? Was in physical or was it enviromental? It seems like you went through a lot of hardships that may have triggered it.
The reason I ask, is that I still feel in the back of my mind my wife is suffereing from this disease. Although therapist didn't diagnose her for it. But, we too have suffered lots of hardships in such a short amount of time. I dont rely on her being depressed to be the answer to all our marital problems, but she is lost, guilty, confused, angry, yet emotionless.
I fear my wife has left her body a long time ago, but I want to hold onto her.
I'm struggling to keep her, when I know I should let her go. But what if she does really need help, and she just secludes herself from the world? Or, it may just be a lack of love and change in both of us that is causing her to be depressed and not in love anymore.
Well, I'm glad you received help, this is not a disease to left untreated. I will fight to stay by her side, no matter if depressed or just unhappy. Until she says its over, I'm still fighting.
It's good you now no what you had, now its time to start new
Re: I Wote This In Therapy - Part II - Please Share Your Thoughts Samarra: I think it's absolutely wonderful you finally have a handle on your depression.
Because of the nature of this disease...anyone suffering in it's clutches will want to retreat...to seclude themselves from the world.
This is why it's extremely important for the people around the depressed individual witnessing the behaviour to not give up in trying to help since seeking treatment is the last thing on the clinically depressed persons mind...whether because they are in denial or are embarrassed to find themselves in a position of admitting vulnerability. No one wants to feel out of control...and unable to solve their problems on their own. In a way they view this as a defeatist attitude.
Not true at all....in fact quite the opposite....admitting you are unable to help yourself and need to seek assistance is a sign of strength.
Anyone going through this and who is experiencing the dread and hoplessness that accompany depression...please seek treatment. It may be a case of trial and error...some may need to experiment with different anti-depressants before finding one that helps...as with anything else in life....you can't always find the solution the first time around.
I'm happy you are doing better. Good luck...and may everything else fall into place.
