Re: Highlighting being alone sourpuss: you could always scream "pipe down, i'm trying to watch my stories...", like my granny did when i used to interrupt her during the soaps.
no one is allow to talk to me when i'm watching l&o
Re: Highlighting being alone JerniganReturns: I believe all of us can relate to your dilemma. At times, I feel so estranged, so alone, that I wonder if it will ever end. Of course it will, though.
Another poster was right: boundaries. Establish some boundaries, because this---and I'll be frank---sounds like an odd situation, and it's only bound to exacerbate some of the frustrations you're experiencing at the moment. While I admire the fact that you took him in, so to speak, what is your motivation behind this? Do you think this is best for *you*?
And if you must live under the same roof, the sex talk should abruptly cease. If you want to have sex with him, fine, but understand that it means something different to you than it does to him. My ex and I, for example, had sex AFTER the divorce papers had been drawn, and she pretty much told me "it meant nothing." Well, okay; it was fun while it lasted, at least.
On the other hand, what are his motives behind relating all this information to you? Could he be trying to get a rise out of you, so to speak? Could he be communicaing something else---is there a subtext?
Good luck...
Re: Highlighting being alone little_sparrow: Bug
I think you are really just afraid of being hurt again. A lot of this sounds like excuses for not getting out there. If you want a partner, you have to put your light on. the chances of one knocking on your door .... very slim.
A lot of being attractive has to do with how you feel about yourself. In your post, I think you say you aren't attractive enough about four times. That is no way to talk. You were attractive enough for your ex, weren't you?
I think you are just scared. Perhaps you need a little make-over. Get your hair done and go through your closet and pick out the clothes that look the best on you. Start pampering yourself. Buy a nice lotion or bath gel. Smile at people on the street. Start laughing.
You don't have to worry about the kiddies cause your ex is right there.
Allow yourself to feel pretty. Accept that you are a pretty great person and the next guy might just be around the corner.
There are tons of great men in the world who are dying to meet you, they just haven't met you because your light is off and you aren't beaming what a great catch you are to the world. They can't find you if you are in your living room watching L&O.
Stop thinking in scarcity terms. Go out and have fun. And put that ad up.
(all said with love)
Re: Highlighting being alone AloneandCold: Well the reason we are rooming is purely financial. I am currently trying to complete my degrees and my only income is from the military (which is not enough to live off of.) So really he is helping me out in that aspect. I have two more years.
Ah well see its not just sex talk he actually follows me around the house trying to touch me. I sit down he tries to run my feet. If its accessible he will try to rub my back. I usually have to yell to get him to stop as asking/snapping/pushing him away does not help. I do not want to have sex with him in any way. We did the friends with benies for a while when we first separated and it just doesn't work. That and he disgusts me and lets also not forget he sleeps with his girlfriend. But see he is driven by sex almost to the point of a disorder, so no matter how many times I say no he will still try. As for why he relates it to me, you've got me I have no idea, then again allot of things he has done over the years baffles me.
Sparrow; Hmm well how do I put my light on so to speak then? Excuses? Hmm maybe but I do have to worry about my kiddos. On "his days" I am at school and on "my days" he is usually at his GF's house. I do not like bars and I live in a fairly small city so that is about it for places to meet adults around here (that I am aware of). Am I afraid of getting hurt again? Yeah of course I am, I am deathly afraid that men are like my ex, but I am really very willing to disprove that theory.
Not sure what to do about self esteem, some days I look in the mirror and think, hey not that bad really. Then same days I look and think "crap". Sure I was attractive enough for my ex but then I was about 80 pounds lighter too.
Well I do smile at virtually everyone I see, and I laugh a lot. I make allot of casual friends in my classes because I am almost friendly to everyone. The world doesn't see this part of me. I perfected my mask years ago.
LoL well I don't spend all my time in the living room. I go to the park allot with my kids, I attend class and meet (well lets see 5 classes a semester x 25ish people to a class) a lot of people but the few guys I would have been interested in would in no way be interested in me.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic, really I just want to know; how do I put the ad up or the light out?
Re: Highlighting being alone JerniganReturns: The friends with "bennies" thing, as you say, looks good on paper; in reality, it is a far more complicated prospect when feelings are involved.
Well, your ex is obviously still attracted to you. That's got to mean something, right?
This kind of situation will put your self-esteem in a nosedive. If you feel poorly about yourself, as someone pointed out, that will manifest itself externally and affect how others perceive you.
This situation, obviously, is not working wonders for your self-esteem. Change it in a way that you see practical, feasible and fit. Then maybe consider doing things to repair that self-esteem. A lot of people here have gone on diets, had make-overs, started working out, and it helped. I know you may not have the money to do this, but it doesn't cost anything to jog.
I hope this doesn't sound insensitive. I'm not saying "lose weight!" I'm saying, do something FOR YOURSELF that will make you feel better.
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