Re: pseudo cheating -- intent but no action -- now what?? warned: Jim B -- You could be right, hard to say, my wife has never given me any reason not to trust her until the last few weeks. That's over a period of a lot of years.
[quote"> I dunno. Something is fishy. I would suggest that your wife reached a place where she was unhappy enough to leave you, but needed a solid reason to do so. So she asked you for one, and you gave it to her. Now she can leave, and her conscience can rest easy knowing you "cheated" on her.[/quote">
In our early conversations I asked her if anything was going on with a mutual male friend of ours since they seemed to get along so well and I made her skin crawl. She told me nothing was happening that he just knew how to communicate better and to have a deeper conversation. He also interested in things she is. I try to be involved in what she likes but she tells me it is all forced and all of my comments are condescending and actions are half-assed. She has assured me that there is nothing going on with the guy who is also a really good friend of mine but my jealously grabs me hard from time to time. He also assured me that nothing was happening or would happen but did tell me he thinks she a really exceptional women and is attracted to her. There may not be anything happening but a connections is there. I know he says he wouldn't do anything to come between us but I know the reality of reason when you get attached to someone. She did tell me she wanted to seperate because of several heated conversations and events prior to our conversation about my actions of a couple of years ago. She seems to be in a better place since I told her all about my actions back then. I guess having a reason for sure helped ease her mind. btw- I did ask the woman that was involved in the incident a few years ago if my wife had contacted her and she said no, my wife fished it right out of me without really knowing for sure what happened.
Isabella --
I have definitely emphasized that I'm not okay with seperation/divorce and really beleive we have something worth saving. She knows this. I just wondering if seeing me each day not presenting the "I can't live without you demeanor" will make her forget what I am really feeling???
Being passive -- (A fine line of giving the impression of caring or not giving a sh&*) I do tell her I love her every day when I talk to her which she does not respond back to. I will even give her a hug and/or a kiss on the cheek. I think this tells her I do care for her. I try not to go overboard but have told her to tell me if it's too much??? I do it more out of showing her that I do still love her and not in the since that I'm begging or starving for affection. I would like nothing more than to proceed ahead with a particular direction in mind (preferebly working things out) but I do want to give her some time.....how much I haven't figured out yet. At some point if she is still focusing on divorce that is what we will have to do. ???
Re: pseudo cheating -- intent but no action -- now what?? warned: Took the kiddos to a friends house so we could have another conversation about things. My wife said that she has thought about everything long enough and it is time to get out of limbo land and move on. She intends to start the paperwork today. We agreed to use a mediator and try to work through this as best we can. She said that we could and should be friends for the kids. She told me she can't ever be at a trust level with me that would allow her to be married to me. I told her that this was not what I wanted but if she is certain that I would stop doing things that are attempts at reconciling the marrige. I also told her that any debate about what led her to this decision is done. The only way we can be friends is to move forward and not look back.
It won't be easy but we are adults. We both want what is best for the kids (that's a work in progress) because we have plenty time to figure out what is right for us as individuals.
Re: pseudo cheating -- intent but no action -- now what?? myowncanoe: I'll be interested to hear how soon a relationship starts with between your wife and the friend. From reading all this I am left wondering who exactly was the almost-cheater ;)
It sounds as though you're doing a good job being amicable for the kids' sake :) Best luck to you.
Re: pseudo cheating -- intent but no action -- now what?? JimB: [quote author=warned link=topic=14598.msg122567#msg122567 date=1120843532">
In our early conversations I asked her if anything was going on with a mutual male friend of ours since they seemed to get along so well and I made her skin crawl. She told me nothing was happening that he just knew how to communicate better and to have a deeper conversation. He also interested in things she is. I try to be involved in what she likes but she tells me it is all forced and all of my comments are condescending and actions are half-assed. [/quote">
You'll see a lot of references here to "emotional affairs" - that is what she is having. Maybe they're not being physically intimate, but they're sharing things with each other that should be saved for their spouses. It's a poor decision on her part - most likely she was unhappy with you for other reasons, and went out and found somebody she thought was more capable of fulfilling her needs. It's not real, though, and she'll figure that out over time.
Good luck with the separation procedures, and prepare yourself for the time when their "connection" withers or he grows tired of her and she comes crawling back to you.
Re: pseudo cheating -- intent but no action -- now what?? ithurts: JimB.....Your words of Wisdom Feel real close to accurate...????
Warned.... Heed what you heard from Jimb....
Warned.... You Sound like a man who was crying out for help back then & your wife had a choice to HELP or. Plot it out because she does know u well... Reverse psychology.... Wow it might be working alittle to well..
All The Best & Leave the reat to GOD
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