Re: Slow Torture narca: I find myself in a similar position you once were in WhiskeyGirl, I can't "convince" myself to let go, and I'm having a hard time letting others convince me to let go. I'm starting to think that it would be easier for me if she left for good, but for me to give her the boot seems almost impossible to do right now. In the back of my head I'm also struggling to find the words to tell the kids that we're getting a divorce. The thought of that really messes me up inside and makes me feel like a terrible parent. I know I'm not, but it just feels that way. I guess hanging onto the hope of staying together lets me avoid that conversation with my kids. My 10yr old already senses things are wrong and asks me if we're getting a divorce. I tell her I hope not but the look in her eyes just kills me. I wish kids were never involved, but that's part of my reality. The stress and pressure is just crushing me right now.
Re: Slow Torture WhiskeyGirl: Nar......your kids will be okay, we all wish our children didnt have to go through this. I have 3 kids and my worst fear was breaking up their so called "happy home" Hindsight is 20/20 and I now see that my kids are so much happier now....having 2 happy parents living apart instead of 2 miserable ones together. If you do end up having to have that talk with them, just make sure they know that they still have their mom and their dad....you both love them very much and always will, you still love each other very much, and always will but that you both feel it would be better for everyone if you lived apart. My kids are younger and how I explained it to them was used the example of their best friends. "You know how you and so and so sometimes get into fights and dont want to be around each other at that time? Well its kind of like that....it doesnt mean they arent still your best friend, right? it just means that you need some space for a while now, thats kind of how it is for mommy and daddy, we still love each other very much but we just need alittle space right now." I dont know how old your kids are, mabey they are too old for that kind of logic but it sure worked for mine and they have been happy and well adjusted kids since our split over a yr ago. Just try to remember that holding on to hope in a situation like this is not keeping the relationship alive, as your mind has so convincingly decieved you into believing, the fact is.....you are only keeping the grief alive, not the realtionship itself.
Re: Slow Torture narca: Thanks for the kids advice. It makes great sense. Besides the kids issue, I'm also having problems realizing that she is a different person and not the one I fell in love with. She keeps giving me "hope", and I don't want to believe it's false. I keep wanting to believe she means it and her way of overcoming her feelings for the other guy will work. I so want that to happen.......but after reading the posts and thinking about things......I'm starting to realize what I need to do. I just don't know if I can. When I see her I just think of the person I fell in love with and married.
Re: Slow Torture mozart101: As we all know it takes two people to make a relationship work. It sounds like your wife is not being one of those two people. No matter how much you love her it won't change her attitude - only she can do that. I think you best bet is to see if you can find out what endearing qualities this OM has that your wife doesn't seem to be able to get from you. Perhaps your wife is going through that all too familiar I feel so alive from something new and fresh scenario that happens pretty often to people who are together a long time. Sometimes its very hard to keep the same old relationship fresh and invigorating. Maybe it's something that can be resolved with good communication and a baby sitter. Or maybe she has passed that point of no return where no matter how much you try she just will not allow herself to work things out. Either way I would not tolerate her going out every night to this OM until 1 or 2 A.M. - that needs to either stop or if she will not stop then you need to find her somewhere else to live and make her leave for a few. And I stress that you should make her leave and not you - if you move out that just makes it much to easy for her to not change.
Good luck and don't be afraid of the consequences of doing what you know is right.
Re: Slow Torture ajw: The longer you leave this,the worse its going to get and it gets more and more likely that she will leave you for the other guy.You seriously have to get a grip and get it soon......do you think when she goes round to his place and stays till 2am in the morning that they are just sitting around talking......PLEASE!!!!!.I hate to be rough on you,but maybe if i can piss you off you'll get angry and do something.If you choose not to do anything i suggest you get a dictionary and look up the word "CUCKOLD",because at the moment buddy thats what you are.
Best of Luck
Andy
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