Re: Slow Torture pushedout: I'm sorry you are in such a frustrating situation. You have to start trusting yourself and your instincts and not trying to trust her. I have to agree the way to get over someone is not to spend every evening with them and away from the family you supposedly love and want to be with. It seems like the hard times you are having may linger. It may be time, hard as it is to lay down the ultimatum, you or the highway, it's tough, but dragging this out may be tougher. It may be that by seperating completely she may find out what she really wants and maybe that will be you, maybe not, but either way you wouldn't be in such horrible limbo with her rubbing your face in the mess on a daily basis. Hang in there. You will both find your way through this. And keep in touch.
Re: Slow Torture insomnia: what your wife wants is her cake and to eat it too. the more time they spend together, the stronger their emotional bonds will become. she is just trying to make sure that this is where she wants to be before she gives up sure for unsure. you need to put your foot down and let her know this is unacceptable. the next time she tells you she is going to leave, ask her if she would like you to help her pack. then let her go. tell her that once she leaves, she cannot come back because it is clear that she has made her decision. although MH and i are seperated he keeps telling me he is thinking of coming back all while he is seeing someone else and bonding with her and her kid. after reading a few of the responses, it dawned on me that he is just trying to see if she is a better match for him.... if she is worth him giving up his family for.... i am glad that i read the posts....
Re: Slow Torture narca: Thanks for the posts. Alot of what is posted makes sense. I just can't get to giving up. As long as she's around and tells me she's willing to work things out, I can't seem to let go. I know I'm probably setting myself up for a super size world of hurt, but I want to keep trying to stay together not just for me but also for the kids. I know alot of you guys are posting to let her go and I can see why. Emotionally I am having a hard time dealing with that. It should be easy considering the facts, but it just isn't. Struggling to cope with reality.
Re: Slow Torture Isabella: I disagree with the notion that it *should* be easy given the facts. The situation is complex; there are no easy solutions. Cut yourself a break and give yourself time to figure things out. I say that actions speak louder than words, but when I was in the midst of things, even though I intellectually believed in that sentiment, emotionally I wanted to (had to?) give him the benefit of the doubt. And ultimately I needed to get dragged through the dirt in order to know for sure that things wouldn't work out. That's just me, though. Perhaps you won't have to go through such extreme measures. Either way, have some self-compassion. What you're going through is hard enough and doesn't need to be exacerbated by adding beating yourself up for any perceived "shoulds."
Re: Slow Torture WhiskeyGirl: I suppose it is easy for us to say "get out"....most of us are already divorced or in the process of getting a divorce. We do understand its not so cut and dried while you are living it. I spent yrs denying what I saw and holding onto hope just as you are. It was very painful but nobody could convince me to give up, I never did and one day he just packed up and left....so I am left asking myself 'why did I put myself through this?' It was all for nothing :'( I now wish I had found the strength to accept it was over long before I did, I would have saved myself alot of heartache and pain. I understand how difficult it is to let go, but your wife is treating you like sh!t right now and you are allowing it. Mabey she will find that she doesnt want to be with him, mabey she will fall out of love with him but what then? what about the next time she does this? Why wouldn't she? Its obvious to her now that she can walk all over you, basically have an affair right in front of your face and you'll just deal with it. I am so sorry for your pain, I remember it so well :( We only want whats best for you here, none of us want to see anyone suffer through what most of us already have and so we can only give advice based on personal experience. Don't allow yourself to be used like this....how much lower can you get than watching your wife walk out the door to spend the night with another man? Wouldnt it be better for yourself AND for your kids to stop living this hell and get on with your life? You may just find love this strong again with someone who deserves it.
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