Drama + question about saving the marriage ChiefWiggum: My stbxw had an EA (+ dating + kissing + ILY) with her teacher. Supposedly she broke it off, but refused to stop attending this school and come home to me (she was away at school for her final 20 weeks). Months go by.
In a moment of weakness, I made a suprise 4 hour drive to her, arriving at 2:30am. Guess who's in her bedroom drinking wine and chatting? The other man. :(
She insisted they are just friends (I believe her -- won't get into the details). I begged her to come home with me (weak, I know). She did not. A couple days later she sends me the breakup email (not our first). At this point I actually feel relief and have a wonderful week, talking to new people and feeling confident in myself.
Then she comes to me. Says she doesn't care about school, about her familiy, about her friends, or anything except being with me. I told her to wait a few days before coming cause it's probably a "moment of weakness". She waited, and came anyway. After a week I said "I don't think this is a good idea" and she left, but it was sad.
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Anyhow, I could go on and on, but my question: How can you break off a relationship when both people want it to work? Should you? Our relationship is in so much trouble, I don't see how it could survive, but I kinda want to try and she clearly wants to try. Her family and friends [who are totally out to lunch"> hate me. It is truly a sad situation.
CW
Re: Drama + question about saving the marriage WhiskeyGirl: CW....Its so hard to say what is the right thing to do....if only we could see into the future life would be so much easier. If you both want to work it out it can be done......do you believe in your heart that she is being sincere? Give it some time and see how you feel, mabey start dating each other a bit and going to counselling. It seems you are not ready to give up so I would say you have to try until you know for absolute certain that there is no chance.....only then can you truely let go.
Re: Drama + question about saving the marriage Lome: Chief,
Do you love her? Is it worth trying one more time? Can you forgive?
Few people mess up with quite so much drama as my husband....and he is back. We are working on it. I am happy and he says that he is happy.
I hope that you make peace with whatever decision you reach. I found this a few days ago, MSN I think....it may help if you decide to give it one more chance.....Good luck
1.Fall in love all over again. Make a conscious decision to be in love. The more you act as if you are in love, the more you will feel like you are.
2. Remember the good times. Treat your partner like you did at the beginning of your relationship. Make a list of all the things you used to enjoy doing together and add any new fantasies to the list. Plan for them and make them happen.
3. Help your partner feel more loved and secure in your love so that he or she can open up to you and express feelings and ideas without fear of being attacked or judged. Compliment, praise, give a hug. Small gestures make the grandest statements.
4. Don't make unilateral decisions. You're a team in many ways, so act like one. Check in and make decisions together about things large and small. Be willing to compromise.
5. Be present. Train your mind to stay in the moment -- not at work, thinking about the new color you want to paint your kitchen, or how it's time to take the dog to the vet.
6. Pay attention to your physical appearance. Take the time to stay in shape and look good for each other. It does matter.
7. Boost your compatibility. Couples in crisis focus on all the ways they are different, whereas those who are in love zero in on their similarities and think their differences are cute. Build compatibility by taking turns planning activities to do together. If you don't like your partner's choice, don't complain; it's your turn next.
8. Do not place blame. Replace blame and criticism with solutions and tenderness. Problem-solve together -- sit close, hold hands, touch each other's face or hair. Be playful. When was the last time you laughed together? Rent a comedy movie to tickle your funny bone.
9. Plan for sex. Spontaneity is great but smart couples know that good sex doesn't just happen. Like everything else, it takes time and planning.
10. Fact-find -- don't mind-read. You may think you know but you can't assume. You may believe he should know, but that's not fair, either. Always clear up misinterpretations and misunderstandings to make sure they don't throw you both off course.
11. Fight fair -- and by appointment only. Schedule a limited time to discuss a problem and confine your comments to that issue only. It's easier to relax and feel free to enjoy each other when you know you won't be ambushed by a litany of complaints and criticisms.
12. Prepare for checkouts. Even in the closest marriage, everyone needs time alone. Don't take it personally and don't make each other feel guilty if you need to spiritually and emotionally regroup. Just be sure to tell each other when you are checking out (max, one day) -- and when you're checking back in.
Re: Drama + question about saving the marriage Samarra: Hey Chief,
That had to be tough for you walking in on them...I am sorry...it's one thing to know...quite another to have it presented to you.
Can you put this behind you?
If you can and you both want it to work...why shouldn't you try?
I've seen people reunite successfully after an affair...but with much talking...and many tears. You may be able to forgive...but it will be harder to forget.
People have moments of weakness (I'm not sayiing this is right) but is she truly remorseful for what she's put you through.
Only you can decide how much you can take....but I believe 2nd chances are possible.
Re: Drama + question about saving the marriage ChiefWiggum: People, thank you so much for the replies. They mean so much to me. :)
CW
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