Re: She still loves me but just needs here space? Discarded: Man that brings chills and bile. Shaving the private area - maybe she got some inspiriration from a friend or something to bring spice to you at home, but I doubt it. I'm not a betting man, but any married guy that told me that his wife never shaved that area or only shaved it at the very beginning of the relationship suddenly did it again years later, I'd have to lay a bet on the table she's seeing someone else.
It's a huge sign of cheating
[color=red"> I do trust my wife but I've never trusted her girlfriend and what situations she's capable of. Since then she has gone out, controlled her drinking and been driving herself home safely. Recently, she joined a gym in order to lose a few pounds and wants to continue to go out as well. I'm able to go with her occasionally but not always because sometimes I have to stay with the kids. Also, she totally shaved a very private area of her body and said it was "just for me". I love it and we have spent a good deal of time appreciating it. She says she loves me but just needs some time out. She's a stay at home mom so I can totally understand it. My biggest concern is that I sense that there is a new distance between us. I have told her that I am insanely in love with her and just want to be with her. Our sex is still good too. She insists that she hasn't changed the way she feels about me while at the same time if I tell her I love her too much or try to cuddle a lot she says she feels smothered. I understand needing to get out of the house but it bothers me that all of the time she wants to go out is the during the time that we used to spend together. It feels like she wants to get away from me. I've told her how I feel and she just tells me I'm reading too much into it. She insists that she loves me and is not intentionally spending time away from me. I can go out with her anytime if I want to. Of course I know all of these could be tell-tale signs of cheating but they also could be just a wife enjoying life like she should. She and I have always agreed that cheating is absolutely wrong and I really don't have any good reason to think it but I can't help but wonder. The wondering and suspicion is effecting my work and driving me mad. I know this may be an area of the internet that could be a bit "tainted" but I was in the area and just thought I might find some support/ideas to making some sense of this all.[/color">
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All of these are signs of cheating:
Shaved
Sexual Pattern change (frequency more or less, and Passion)
Smothering
You suspect it - biggest sign it may be happening as suspicion is usually right.
This is a critical point - what do you do? Is she being truthful and honest or is she cheating?
You can make some huge errors here trusting her or deciding to try and monitor her whereabouts that will tell her you do not trust her. I do not want to try and tell you what to do in this situation as there is no truly good decision and huge pitfalls with any decision you make. I will tell you not to make any rash or quick decisions in this situation as it is emotionally charged for you I know. Think your way through it and think rationally. Know that you may get exactly what you want and she is being truthful and open with you and Know that she may be cheating on you.
Prepare yourself mentally for finding out that she is cheating in case you find out suddenly by being confronted with it. Nothing is worth the pain it can cause you if you act completely on emotion being suddenly confronted with it and make some suddenly horrible bad errors in judgement which can happen. I found out suddenly by being confronted with it and I know the emotions it can cause. I am proud of how I handled it, but I truly know how bad it can be.
I have been in the almost exact situation you are in now and it is horrible. It is probably the second worst feeling you can have. The first is finding out that she is cheating and you can't compare the two. I had to know and I discreetly found out she was cheating. You know her routines and patterns, if you want to know whether or not she is or is not cheating you can figure out how to find out. If you decide to find out DO IT DISCREETLY. If you find out she is cheating do not say a word to her about it and take some time to figure out your course of action. Do not tip your hand until you know what you want to do.
Best of luck in what ever you decide
Discarded
Re: She still loves me but just needs here space? Samarra: From what you describe in your last post...she may have done it for you...but you seem to still have questions and suspicions.
Men have intuition too...trust your gut.
Again...don't jump...I hate rule-books....but be careful.
Re: She still loves me but just needs here space? Discarded: [color=red"> The only thing that I didn't include is that just prior to her doing it we had a rather long discussion about her showing me more attention. This was claimed to be in response to that conversation[/color"> .
Well that is an important aspect to add. It gives me some hope that maybe it isn't a new lover. I would still definately look into the aspects of drinking and not coming home. I would still look into what is going on. I still look at all the other warning signs. She may not be cheating on you, but I still think even if she isn't there are definately warning signs of trouble.
My X started drinking and not coming home at 10 years of marriage. My X then started with the smothering thing. My X started Tanning frequently - getting body in shape. My X then Shaved. My X then started an affair over the internet and thought she was going to absond with my children. I say this to tell you there are lots of warning signs. I'd definately look into them, if you find there is no affair I'd have a sit down talk with her, find out where things are going. What are her dreams and hopes and the future.
Right now it sounds like you both are headed 2 different directions. It is O.K. and normal for a marriage to have ups and downs and for you both to have your time, but when you both are going 2 different directions things won't last.
Discarded
Re: She still loves me but just needs here space? flamingo13: Every situation is different, so I do not want to freak you out...
Most of what was posted in response here seems right on the money to me.
I've been married almost 15 years and the behavior you described is pretty much from the playbook my wife apparently used to cheat.
It is all circumstantial evidence, but that is all we have to go on in a relationship. It doesn't look good at all.
If anything, next time something remotely like this happens again (and it will), make a baby sitter available and casually show up where she is staying. I believe you will get your answer. Or you could hire a descrete private investigator when she starts getting antsy again.
But, that is just my opinion. Been there, done that... more than once! LOL
You have to make up your own mind on how far to take this suspicion. Are you ready for her to leave you if you are right? Are you ready for her to leave if you are wrong?
The way to handle it is up to you.
Re: She still loves me but just needs here space? WhiskeyGirl: Woah you guys!! Geez, lets get a little more info before freaking this poor guy out! First off, the shaving thing....did she ask you if you would like it before she did it? If so she probebly did do it just for you, and it seems you are enjoying it....what the heck is wrong with a wife doing something to spice things up a bit? And as far as her spending the night out...my god! She called you and told you where she would be, she didnt want to drive drunk, thats a good thing. Its only happened once! I didnt go out with me girlfriends alot when I was married mabey once every few months to really have a girls night out but I'm pretty sure I never made it home any of those times. My husband knew where I was staying he pretty much insisted on my staying in town so I wouldnt drive drunk....mind you I live about 40 minutes from town but whatever.....While I was married I shaved, I went to the gym, I did all that and it WAS for my husband! I also stayed out occasionally and never once thought of cheating. The only thing that worries me a bit is the fact that she sometimes says she feels smothered...thats not good but it also doesnt neccessarily mean she's cheating. Is it possible that your having a hard time adjusting to the "new" her the one who wants to have a life outside the relationship and mabey you are acting a bit insecure about it? She would feel that and that would cause her to feel smothered especially if she is not used to you acting this way. How often does she go out....is it once a week or so or every night? I mean if she is spending every bit of free time away from you its not good but if she is just going out once in a while let her be. You say she invites you to come out with her....do it! I dont think she would invite you out if she was having an affair now would she? I may be way off here but I think you should stop worrying....it may be just making matters worse, if she feels you dont trust her its going to drive a wedge between you. This is an excellent site full of supportive people but do remember that alot of us have been cheated on and may be a bit quick to jump the gun on the cheating thing. I hope it all works out for you!
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