She's not in love with me any more but this is differant I hope LONGWAY: Ok I know you have all read similer problems but you may find my situation a little differant to the norm.
I'm not married but have been with my girlfriend for about 6 years now we have a beautiful daughter of 19 months. Ten days ago she told me she that she was not happy with herself and she thinks she is not in love with me any more. She has been putting everyone else first and she was going to make some discition for herself and no one else to make her happy. I have taken this really hard not sleeping eating it constanly on my mind it all I can think about and it hurting me so much. My problem is that I'm in Ireland and she is in Canada with our daughter.
I have basically been here working waiting for my residency for Canada. I should have done this a full year ago and we would have not been in this positon. We were both live in In Ireland when we found out we were going to have a baby. This was in march 2003 we both work to Jobs all the way up to October 2003 when we moved to Canada ( She is Canadian I’m Irish) I was on a one year temporary work visa.
We moved to a City where we know no one new Job for me trying to find new friends new home and Or first baby. The next year put a lot of pressure on the 2 of us I put everyone before her and sometimes the baby. Friends I just meet new colleges I wasn’t even putting myself first.
With all that was going on I thought it would be easy for me to stay and work a she was my comman law partner and we had a child together. As I have done a few times I put this on the long finger and when it can to the time I had to do it was too late. Over the year we were grow to be more like friends rather than a couple Less sex etc I was not sure if I wanted to be with her but never voiced it.I had to come and work in Ireland to suporrt my family. I have been her now for about 6 months and as I said she said she was not in love with me. Anymore. My residence is still not here but I can stay in Canada without working till it comes through.
I can honestly say I wasn’t a good boyfriend.
The residency should take no more than another 3 months but I really can’t wait that long to try and make this work. But if I leave this job I know that she will be angry with me and worry about money. I have enough not to worry for about 4 months depending on what comes up. She says she does not want to wake up at 40 and be unhappy.
She says she doesn’t care about things like having more kids our own house security money wise as long as she is happy. Which used to be the things that I thought were most important to her. I have spent the last ten days thinking about this about me I have realized a lot of thing about my self things that I never wanted to admit to myself but I have. I want to change them for me.
There is a few things I know 1 I don’t blame the way she feels, 2 I love her and am so in love with her 3 She is not going to fall in love with me again just because I tell her I love her 4 I going to do everything I can to help her trust me with her heart again. 5 She has to want to make this work for it to work. While this has been going on she has said she will always love me but not in love, we will always be great friends and We will still keep or daughter as our number one priority
Is there anyone out there than has been in a similar position and come through happy with there partner.
Please I need some advice
Re: She's not in love with me any more but this is differant I hope LONGWAY: Sorry I forgot to add that . She has been spending abit of time will a single dad with a kid the same age a or daughter. I have never meet this guy. But the have meet with the kid in the park and that. But last saturday the went on a day trip to montreal biodom. he drove my car and spent the day with my daughter. I asked her if she had feelings for him and she say she didn't know. I am at my witts end advice please
Re: She's not in love with me any more but this is differant I hope Older Guy: Longway - this sounds like a familiar refrain.
It's possible she's confused....its possible she's not confused....its possible she needs to be able to clear her head and think by herself.
The one thing that seems for sure right now is that she means and believes what she says even though she may not be totally sure. I'd be very surprised if you could talk her out of it and talk her into being "in love" with you.
I would recommend giving her space and distance so that she can see for herself what she wants to do. As hard as this may seem, it is your only hope as far as i'm concerned.....be nice to her and don't smother her. Tell her you love, don't play the sick and lost puppy dog thing and let her go do what she wants.
I honestly beleive in the old "if you love it set it free, and if it comes back it yours" (or whatever the heck that saying is?).
You can't force love and she may realize that you were the man for her after all once she has spent tiem alone to think about it.
Be strong and let he go for now. Move on with your life and live anyways. That would be your best remedy at this point.
Good luck to you
Bob in Canada
Re: She's not in love with me any more but this is differant I hope LONGWAY: I dont know if I can give her any more space than 3500 miles but I have been calling to much. I have sorta made my mind up to go back so if she wants to see me she can, I just keep telling myself that If I'm not there its to easy for her to let go.
I want to be able to show her not tell her that I have changed not just for her but for me.
Re: She's not in love with me any more but this is differant I hope Older Guy: 3500 miles is a lot of distance........space doesn't necessarily always mean geography.
Shs is probably looking to distance herself from you whether geographically, semtimentally, emitonally, personally.
I'm pretty sure that the last thing she wnats you to do right now is to fly over the ocean and come and show her how you've "changed".
I'm make one last call to chart both of your courses for the short term and then see what happens from there. I know this would be hard but she probably doesn't wnat to be pushed into anything right now.
I hadn't seen your second post - i have to admit that this complicates things.
Good luck.
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