Counseling? what to expect? dbcincy: July 25th, First day of Marriage Counseling with the Wife.
What in god's green earth should I expect? She agreed to go and she made the appt. for us. To me that was a HUGE step on her part. We seem to be working some things out on our own...but I think we need some help.
What should I expect when I walk in the door? I am a little frightened on what the counselor will say.......
Re: Counseling? what to expect? Ilosther: Must be different for all therapists, but this is how mine went, and I too was nervous about what would happen
Start off by asking why were are there - I said, cuz I want to save this marriage, wife says, doesn't know why she isn't happy with marriage.
Therapist asks the whole history of the events - we participate the answer from both sides
Basically our first hour session was a history of us, going into some stuff about our childhood and stuff if she sees any causes from that.
End of first session, therapist asks if we were comfortable with her, we said yes, but left with no answers. I felt a little better knowing that it was a lot of my wife's issues.
Later sessions just make me feel worse, that this marriage has more problems, poor communication, we are both self sacrificing people, but in the end, its that my wife hasn't helped herself and filled her needs. As much as I am a great husband, I cannot help her unless she helps herself first.
We even went individually once each, and that helped more, got to vent better without wife there.
But last session, my wife had already decided to move out, and I broke down in the session, told her I couldn't take it anymore, was so hurt and depressed. Therapist can see the marriage is sinking fast, and knows there is only one person that answer my questions, and that is my wife, and she can't even answer it for herself.
So, I am left here, after about 5 sessions, wife is leaving, we're both moving out to move on with our lives, wife already wants a divorce, and there is no concrete reason, only that things have 'changed'. Therapy hasn't helped me. Hasn't saved my marriage or made anything clearer.
But this is my experience, just be honest in there, that's all i can say. And I doubt a therapist will ever say the marriage is over or just to move on. They will try to save it or find ways for you to try. But I feel when it gets to the point that you decide to go to therapy, the problem is way past salvaging, it is only good to help you cope with the loss.
good luck, and like i said, this was just my experience
Re: Counseling? what to expect? dbcincy: WOW....thats not what I was expecting! LOL
Heck, both our parents say to go, friends say to go......I am not looking for a quick fix....but to put both of us on the right track.
Re: Counseling? what to expect? Pope: Again, Havehope and I are in a very similar boat. Practically the same thing happened in our counseling expcept we only had three seesions. Good luck and you have my prayers. Your wife will have to at least commit to wanting things to work before any progress can be made. Mine never did and admitted it.
Re: Counseling? what to expect? dbcincy: Well...the only thing I can make of this is everyone's problems are different and thats why you go to a counselor.
It's my wife with the issues on what she wants and she took the first step of making an appt. to go to a counselor. To me that means she wants to try and get this worked out....maybe I am seeing too far into it....who knows
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