Re: Counseling? what to expect? Slash: There are a lot of ppl with bad outcomes and I would hope there are just as many with good outcomes. I can only comment on my outcome. I attended therapy with my wife and individually. I wanted out of the marriage in a bad way, I just couldn't take anymore. The details aren't really important other than to say there was no infidelity. She still loved me and wanted to make it work. I didn't believe in therapy and the first few sessions were pretty brutal. I wasn't happy in the marriage and I said some things to this day I regret. The bottom line is that was 2 years ago, we haven't been to therapy in a good long time and I'm still with my wife. Realistically, I couldn't be happier with the exception of my other post. The post I put out here was a search for help dealing with my feelings of jealousy and suspicion. They are new feelings to me and I was just looking for help and support. Anyways, I want you to know that there is hope from someone who wanted out, never get out (the therapy probably helped) and now couldn't love his wife more. As the prior post said be honest. The sessions I attended were focused on communication and understanding.
Re: Counseling? what to expect? Ilosther: Slash, I'm so jealous that you seemed to have worked it out with your wife. She's the one wanting out, I'm the one wanting it to work. No fault of mine. Just her personal issues. Nothing I can do about that.
She actually was the one that asked me to go with her to the sessions. But after 2, she found no point in going together. I just rescheduled our next session, she will no longer go, so I will go by myself, just to help me cope with this loss. Sometimes I get real anxiety attacks, sometimes heavy bouts of depression, yesterday I was almost throwing up thinking about my wife-what the hell was that?!
Anyway, yes, it's a good thing your wife signed up for it. But don't go in there expecting anything at all, not to say things can't be worked out, but if you have high hopes, you might get hurt. For me, I feel my wife just went to be able to express and finalize her decision to leave.
Hey, it was only $15 a session due to my wife's great benefits as a teacher. Too bad I'll lose that if and when she divorces me.
Good luck to you.
Re: Counseling? what to expect? Slash: Well, Havehope, we are in similar situation. Before I wanted out and she fought for the relationship. That was years ago but now I'm fighting for the relationship and she doesn't know what she wants. I'm hopeful that she goes to counseling because I still have hope and she needs help (period). I think the reason that the counseling worked years ago was because very early on we were able to identify what was wrong and how to fix it.
Re: Counseling? what to expect? Repentant: Can I just say that I'm sure MANY couples that go to counseling have success. It's just that the they aren't likely to post it in here- they're not even reading these forums if the relationship worked out?
Have high-hopes. Be kind and agree with your partners' complaints. The counseling will work if you are gentle and understanding.
I envy the fact that your partner wants to try- mine doesn't. Be positive, it will work for you. All the best :)
Re: Counseling? what to expect? insomnia: i tried counselling a few times. the first was together- and i was not sure he liked her. i think he thought she thought he was abrasive because he went there all mad at me. next session, was seperate- i went, he couldnt go at the scheduled time because he went on vacation with his girlfriend. when he came back he rescheduled. finally he went to the single session. (i was mad because how can counselling work if he is carrying on with someone else- to me that is just adding more issues to us)
we met again for a joint session (keep in mind all along he was very negative saying he doesnt think this can work and that he was angry) and nothing came out of it except the therapist thought he had a lot of anger issues and that he needed to see her a lot alone before we proceed any further. needless to say we got into an argument later and then i told him out of anger that this counselling thing is not working. i regret saying that now. so never went back- he told her that i didnt want to do it anymore. i would like us to go back to see if there is anything that can save us- but i am not sure he will go esp if he has to pay out of pocket.
my whole thing is that he went there with a neg attitude thinking nothing could fix this. he was not open minded and i felt the therapist felt this too.
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