So I'm divorced.... MustangSally: How do I talk to the new boyfriend about my divorce? I don't want to hash it out with him, but I want him to understand where I am and why. I also want him to know he's free to ask questions about it. I don't want it to be like a creepy black cloud always following us at a close distance, but that we pretend isn't there.
I want him to understand the fears I have about dating and getting serious...those fears are normal right? Example, I am usually inclined in a relationship to be very open about my feelings and I write little notes, give little gifts, do little things to show I care. And now I feel like I'm wrapped up in this "divorced" box and it's too, I don't know if risky is the right word, but something is keeping me from reaching out of it to him (new boyfriend). Is it really as simple as "I've been really hurt"? Or is it that I don't really like this guy that much? Am I doomed to ask these questions in every relationship I have until I die, because if that's the case, I certainly am not hating my ex nearly enough yet!
Any thoughts or similar experiences?
Re: So I'm divorced.... Metro: MS:
You will ask these questions until you are over your ex, which it sounds like you are not. Every relationship you enter into until you have fully healed from the divorce will suffer.
I was told it takes approximately one year of healing for every four years you were married. Maybe so, maybe not. Only you will know how long it takes for you.
Re: So I'm divorced.... MustangSally: I think you're right, that I'm not over the "divorce." I am over the husband and the miserable relationship, but how do you ever get over divorce? How will I ever have a normal relationship without asking all of those questions? Will it really just take time?
It hasn't been long, and I'm comfortable admitting that I'm not over the divorce, but I'd be an idiot to let this guy go without giving the relationship a chance. So how do I approach that with him? If he doesn't like the idea of me not being over my divorce, then we'll have to re-think what we're doing, but how do I start that conversation? I don't want it to be an ultra-serious, "you should sit down" kind of talk.
Re: So I'm divorced.... Metro: Yes, it will just take time.
I know you don’t want to give up this relationship, but you might want to slow down and take a step back. I am telling you that going straight from divorce into a serious relationship is doomed to fail. Ask anyone here. I am not saying it won't work for you, but statistics are against you. You need to try and be strong on your own first. It's hard I know. I am still doing it myself. But it has gotten better as time has progressed.
