I thought Mondays were bad... Ellena: But today has run over me. I can't breath, I can't move and I can't get any work done. I have spent several hours just staring at the screen trying to come up with a lie good enough to get out of work. I have a job interview yesterday, and just realized today that I am going to be the only field I am trained in, the only one I have ever been in and I am scared to death. I found myself worrying about how easy it will be to get fired at the new job and I don't even have it yet.
I had to explain to the STBXH for the hundreth time why I can't be the person who comforts him when he is down right now. It just makes me feel guilty, doesn't make him feel better and does nothing. I am tired of being in the middle of a divorce, I want to be finished with one. I want to feel companship with a man and not have to worry about freaking him out by the slightest sign of affection.
I want the house, that the Ex still guilts me about keeping, to not be falling down about my ears. I want the plumber who came by last night to give me an estimate to have instead presented me with a bill. And I want to ask whoever told everyone I know right now that now is the time to bring me their problems. I want my brother not to be an alcoholic. I want my friend not to bring a loaded gun to my house and threaten suicide. I want all of this not to have happened in the last 24 hours. And I want off the fucXXXXX planet, it is spinning to fast. I quit.
Re: I thought Mondays were bad... timetobefree: Ellena,
(((((HUGS)))))
Sorry that everything is piling up on you right now. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? You can't carry this all yourself. Divorce in and of itself is stressful enough...but it sounds like you have tons more going on. I don't have any great advice for you, but I wanted you to know someone was out there listening and hearing you and thinking of you!
Take care,
Amy
Re: I thought Mondays were bad... Ellena: i think that is all I wanted from the post, that and the opportunity to attempt to put my feelings in writing. I try to talk to friends, but I feel like they have listened to endless hours of this crap and I don't want to burden them further. I know eventually I will feel better, but I don't see an end at the moment.
