Re: What did YOU do wrong? links9814: 1. My wife's biggest complaint about me was that i never took her advice. She always pounded on me for this, but the more I thought it, this was total BS. I made a giant four page list detailing every time I had listened to her in the past 4 months. Next time she said that to me I was going whip out that list and show it to her. Never got that far, the day i fisnished the list she cheated on me.
2. She said I complained too much, and I did. I was working full time, school full time, and trying to be the best dad possible to my little girl. I'd start at 6 and not go to bed most night until midnight. Naturally I complained a lot about my workload, according to her I did it a lot, I was looking for support, and in this area she wasn't very supportive. Two days before she cheated she told me to shut up and handle my problems like a man, ouch.
3. I spent too much time with her daughter. My work hours are flexible so I'd pick our daughter up early all the time and take her Chuck E Cheese and the mall, we had such a good time. Well, in doing this it took time away from work and school, so I got bogged down. She said I should spend less time with Mya and more time getting my work done.
Other than that, I didn't do anything wrong, and she'll be the first to admit it.
Re: What did YOU do wrong? tbird: I guess my fault is that i got pregnant by accident. then to make things worse, i stopped taking my anti depressant cause of the baby and the harm i was afraid it might do. then i slipped into major depression coupled with the hormones and that was too much for him to handle.
what can you do.
S**T happens i guess!
Re: What did YOU do wrong? JazzBaby: I used to torture myself with this question...
I gained 100 pounds when I was pregnant. That's also when the cheating started, but didn't know about it until a year later. Before I knew about it, I worked out, dieted, lost most of the weight, kept the house clean, took on all the parenting responsibilities, paid the bills and managed the money, planned parties, enjoyed his hobbies...when I found out, I stopped it all. I know now that was the beginning of my bout with depression. I tried to forgive him, tried to understand it, and tried to get him to go to counseling with me (he didn't).
I'm not going to say I was blameless -- after I found out about the cheating I became a different person. We were together after that for a number of years, and in that time I never completely got that trust back for him. I still believe with all my heart that I tried to repair our marriage. I loved my husband very much and I was determined to make it work. My days were spent constantly trying to gauge his mood so that I could make sure I was keeping him happy. Maybe I pushed too hard for perfection? Expected too much from him?
Or maybe, and this is what I really think, he realized too late that he wasn't ready for the responsibilities of marriage and parenthood, and he started to resent me for it.
But the question is what did I do? I wish someone would tell me! ;) I hate to think that I was such a poor judge of character that I could marry a man who would cheat because I got fat...I really just don't know. I've never been able to get an answer from him, as hard as I tried. Up until that first affair, I thought I had the perfect marriage.
Re: What did YOU do wrong? backtosquareone: 1) I didn't know how to communicate. Whenever I asked her what was bothering her and she said "nothing", I let it drop instead of drawing her out. I also didn't express things that bothered me, either. Anything to avoid being tense and uncomfortable, I guess.
2) At times I became so preoccupied with myself and my own problems and issues that I didn't pay as much attention to her as I should have.
3) I became boring. I didn't allow myself to grow, and I stopped pursuing/doing things that were interesting to me.
4) I did a lot of the other stuff that's been mentioned earlier in this thread, too.
Re: What did YOU do wrong? jimloveless: my main problem was neglect. i did not make her feel special. i loved her, but i put really stupid things before her, like games. There were several areas where i slacked and did not give my 100 percent, but the game thing was probably what did the most damage.
i'd bottle things up inside of me until when the argument finally erupted, i would hurl out pointed comments instead of actually trying to resolve anything.
I did not stand up for myself. I should have walked out on her years ago to show her i had a backbone and i wasn't some pathetic little desperate man. unfortunately, I was a pathetic little desperate man.
there were other things i did wrong that i'd rather not mention. nothing unforgivable, but embarrassing and shameful none the less. needless to say, i recognized it and i fixed it.
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