Visiting the Lawyer acidflask: So, I just got back from the lawyers office literally an hour ago. I feel a little out of control and a lot like I'm on an emotional rollercoaster.
The entire drive home I couldn't help feeling that the lawyer was in some ways totally screwing my stbx. When I left stbxh, I made 2/3 of our combined income, but during the division of debts today, the lawyer reasoned somehow that he had more personal debt than marital debt. Leaving him with 2/3 of the debt that we'd been trying (unsucessfully) to pay off for the last couple of years. It's not that I don't agree that I shouldn't have to pay his dental bill when I don't benefit from the use of his teeth. :) It's just that I pity my stbx, and I don't think he can handle it.
I kept thinking over and over to myself, first I left him and now I'm going to take him. I left him. Not that he didn't deserve it. I took from him the one person who had provided emotional and financial support for nine years. I was the best thing to ever happen to him. I really was his everything, even when he wasn't respectful enough to remain faithful.
Now I'm throwing these bills at him and telling him here's your share, sure it's more than my share, but it's "fair." --- I feel guilty. I shouldn't, but I do.
Then the rollercoaster hits another hill, and I feel completely different about the whole situation. He sent me a message that said he'd just gotten a second interview for a new job, one that promises much better money. I raved to him,"Oh, honey that's great. You're doing so good." I feel better for awhile. Not so guilty. Not so "evil ex wife like." For awhile, I actually hold hope that he'll pull himself up out of this mess he's gotten himself into.
Then I realize that even if he does, he's still lost me. Poor pitiful him. Is that another hill I see? Let me off the rollercoaster! I'm gonna lose my lunch!
I am so confused.
Re: Visiting the Lawyer getting_rough: I know that feeling. I was the bread winner in our house and he was the money spender. Teeth thing too. His bills are out of control and he is giving me money next week to pay me back. I feel guilty about it but I am keeping him on my medical insurance ($80 a week) for a while so he doesnt get billions of bills if he decides to goto rehab. It is strange how we turn things around and feel guilty about it. I hope you cheer up. He is a big boy and like mine he needs to learn to take care of himself.
Re: Visiting the Lawyer HeartbrokenDingo: My stbx was not a "strong" man, emotionally. I always had to be the "strong" one. Didn't matter what the circumstances. I always had to be the one to stand up and stick up for him, me, both of us. Passive, I guess, would be the best way to describe him.
Wasn't a problem. I am a very strong person and I loved him more than life itself. Protecting him just came naturally, just like it does any other person in my life who I happen to care about. I become quite passionate about these things.
But now...his biggest defender has beome his mortal enemy. So he thinks........and I'm sure that everyone else does. Which is why mylawyer keeps screaming at me to "PROTECT YOURSELF!!! f*** HIM!! TAKE CARE OF YOU!!"
Normally, that's not in my nature...I always tend to put others first. (It's a nurturing thing...it's also why my first instinct is to feed people as soon as they come to my door......Jehovah's witnesses always show up on thursday because they know it's Italian Meatloaf and "Fried Spaghetti Night"!!!) :D
But I digress....the point is...it's normal to worry about them....you loved this person....(still???)...and unlike them our feelings don't just shut off like a faucet.
This doesn't make you a bad person.
It makes you a caring human being. :'(
For what it's worth.
Dingo.
;)
Gotta go stir the spagetti...the "witnesses will be here anytime!!"
P.S. Yes....everyone is welcome!!!
Re: Visiting the Lawyer HeartbrokenDingo: Caring extends to more than just loved ones......
hell, I dropped an entire platter of homemade creampuffs and a fifth (1/5th) of Canadian Club at my lawyer's office yesterday!! ;D ;D
(Yeah, he's feelin' the love... :D !!!)
Dingo
;)
Re: Visiting the Lawyer acidflask: Thanks G.R. & Dingo.
I'm feeling a little more normal if nothing else. It's always nice to hear that other people feel the same way. It brings a person back down to earth and reminds them they aren't totally losing their mind.
And thanks Dingo - I needed a laugh about now. :D
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