Re: Visiting the Lawyer sourpuss: and remember, the idea of "fair" and "equitable" are very subjective.
yes, you must take care of yourself, but you are the one who will have to look at yourself in the mirror everyday, not the lawyers.
you don't seem sure as to how your lawyer arrived at the numbers. if that's the case, then perhaps you should have them explain it to you again.
it is not your lawyers' notion of "fair" that matters here, it is YOURS.
i, too, was the main breadwinner in my marriage. although i am bitter and angry at this situation, i went to my lawyer intending to have everything split 50/50 and bracing myself for a financial hit. she basically said i was a fool and should "strike while he's feeling guilty" and take more than half of the assests. it was tempting.
but i would always know that i had not been honest. i do not want to be that person. i have protected myself, but am not attempting to screw him out of his share. i am resolved to treat him as i would want to be treated were our positions reversed. karma, baby.
Re: Visiting the Lawyer HeartbrokenDingo: No A.C., you are not totally losing your mind.
You may feel like it, but I think we're all feeling a bit crazy right now.
Hell, I went to a counseling orientation session yesterday and when they asked me why i was there I couldn't even answer her...tears just started streaming down my face....
Lucky for me, she didn't react...(no pity, thank God...I probabloy would have died, right there on the spot...)...she just got up, walked across the room, got a box of tissues and sat them down in front of me...then she very quietly asked me,
"Why are you here?"
I whispered, through my tears, "I'm going through a divorce and I don't seem to be handling it very well now , am I?"
So yes, we have feelings too and yes, even if we are the ones that filed, we too, are suffering.
Hell, I know I am....
Dingo
:'(
Re: Visiting the Lawyer HeartbrokenDingo: Funny how that works, isn't it?
When it comes to others in distress or defending those who we feel need defending or our unending support...oursupport is indeed...endless.
But when it comes to taking care of ourselves...it almost seems as if I find my strength in supporting my ojar friends.
Maybe, just maybe, I'm avoiding my issues by getting very heated when one of my friends is "done wrong".
But when it comes to dealing with my own heartbreak issues, I feel like I still need to be that "strong person", and just "deal" with it. Almost like it's a sign of weakness.
Oh my G**....did I just have a breakthrough????
Who the hell needs therapy??
Screw the shrinks. A healthy sense of humor and a very busy kitchen does a soul a world of good.
I'm going to stir the spaghetti.
Dingo
:'(
Re: Visiting the Lawyer Lumpy: Dear Acidflask,
I really like sourpusses' response here. Whether it's legal or not, whether it's right or not, you have to live with it. Peace of mind can be more valuable than any dollar amount. That being said, don't not do it out of guilt. He's a big boy. He needs to learn to fend for himself...
Re: Visiting the Lawyer acidflask: [quote author=HeartbrokenDingo link=topic=15099.msg126902#msg126902 date=1121381762">
when they asked me why i was there I couldn't even answer her...tears just started streaming down my face....[quote">
Ahhh. ((((((((((((((HUGS DINGO)))))))))))))))
I've been there too. Marriage counselling a few years back. Don't you just hate losing it in front of strangers, but hey, in your shoes they'd react the same way sweetie. Promise.
About my finances, the lawyer didn't really have to explain things. I understood where he was coming from when he broke down the debts. See, I want to keep the house and make the payments by myself at least for a few more years. We bought it a year ago and we financed the closing costs (big mistake, I know.) So at the moment, we have about $1200 equity, and that might be generous. The real estate market has slowed down a little bit from this time last year (I'm not hearing nearly as many refinance for low rate commercials), and I worry that if we sold it now we'd actually take a beating. Besides, I've gotta live somewhere, and I love my house.
The lawyer included the balance of my home loan as part of the marital debt I'd be assuming, which makes our other debts seem like pennies in the pond. By doing that and classifying stuff like dental bills and hospital charges as stbx's own "personal" debt, our/his unsecured debt ended up mostly going to him, while I basically got what few joint accounts we had and mainly secured debts. I'd be getting to keep stuff I was paying for while he'd be getting debt for stuff we'd basically already "consumed" in one way or another and the piddly stuff like a computer or desk at best.
I know that he doesn't want the house or the house payment. He never was real crazy about it anyway. So, it seems that by the lawyer using that to make it "look" like I am paying alot more than him, hardly seems fair. Maybe it is fair, and I'm just trying to be too nice. That happens sometimes. Drives my mother crazy. Like it's her business.
