:'( Safetykc: :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
Re::'( Safetykc: I can't even type through the tears...I want to tell you more of my story. but last night...last night...
I saw her....we went out for coffee to talk about divorce issues...she played her final card...
she wants to...wants to.... :'( :'( :'( :'(
you can figure it out....why now...why fucking now...divorce is in less than two weeks... I spent an hour tearing into her about what she did and how awful she was...Such a shit. Just like her ex-husband. She said it was never physical with the OM, an affair of the heart...it is still an affair...if that is even the truth. she messed around on me, left me in debt, took the kids out of my life...I told her she was a piece of sh*t. I was so viscious...she cried i cried...it was a hallmark moment at starbucks...she offered me a sip of her mocha...i said no thanks, I don't know where those lips have been....so mean...and talk about our relationship and her affair....and what she has done since, thanks for sharing that m...like i needed toknow you had a one night stand...thanks, so the grass isn't greener?!?!!? I could have told you that...simple sex can't replace all the intimacy and love and "great loving' of a commited intimate relationship like a marriage...duh...and she misses me...misses talking to me...being with me...i told her it was phantom pain like when you lose a limb..this was all about me cutting off contact with her and she sees me moving on...i know the drill folks...it just hurts so bad. She said she always makes things worse. I said everyone has to have a talent honey. :-\ the tears and mochas flowed... :'(
She cried and said wanted to kiss me...she pulled me close...i said i don't like it..she said your a liar...cause baby when we kiss....fire... :'( :'( :'( :'( my brain is so unhinged right now...gotta go to work.
Talk talk talk...talk is cheap...we talked talked talked until they threw us out and closed..then talked in the parking lot. It would be so hard because of all the burnt bridges...I said as I told you all along M, the only bridge that ever mattered was the one between me and you...she cried...she said we both have so much hurt...how...i said I dont have the answers, but it took two people who really wanted to try to make it work and I still didn't know where her had wasa...I said tomorrow you could chalk tonight up to a momentary lapse of reason and be back to the status quo and the divorce is racing at us like a freight train...she said she knew....
So much more said...all the words she said running in my head..in my head...
I am leaving so much out..but I can't focus...hocus pocus...like magic..poff the words are gone... :'(
I cried, told her I was so close to being done...so close to getting home...we were almost done...why did she have to do this...I did call her an emotional vampire and a sleestak..she didn't get it..ha ha
Then it was time to go...I said you can say i didn't do this or that in the marriage and your friends can yap at you about how happier you are single blah blah but I did one thing for you M that none of them or this guy did besides talk his way into your pants and not leave his wife...I said I married you M..and gave it an you my all...bye
She got in the car sobbing....she opened the window...I leaned in and kissed her.....and said, and you...left....me...
I gotta go, Im crying again...
None of you know me really, this all came out wrong....just had to get some of it out even in all it's incoherentnesss... :'( :'(
There's only one song I can offer up now... :'( :'( :'(
Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air..
Where are the clowns?
Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move...
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours.
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines...
No one is there.
Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want...
Sorry, my dear!
And where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer?
Losing my timing this late in my career.
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns...
Well, maybe next year.
:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(
GOd it hurts...not because I want her back, but because now there's hope...and it feels...like the very first time...the very first time.all over again...Im was doing so good....but its too late...so much said and done....how can i ever trust again....how...how...how..even with counseling...she is not the person i thought she was..and never will be...I just Love her so much...and always did...but like she always told me...LOVE isn't enough...i finally learned my lesson...in the school of hard knocks.
oh god....it hurts...i gotta go to work...gotta go gotta go
Re::'( inebr: Oh man. I'm sorry about all this Safety. ok, you say it hurts because there's hope. I can feel what you're feeling, really. Just take a step back right now.
Go to the "is love enough?" thread and read the last few posts between Sereph and Jimb because there are some interesting things IMO said about reconciliation and what reconciliation means.
oh....I am sorry. Hang in there, safety
I hope you have a good day.
Re::'( SunnyFlower: :'(
Safety....you are not crying alone!! I wish so bad I could give you a giant hug and absorb some of what you are feeling for you...or at least let you lean on me. It is true that the grass isn't greener.....you knew she would discover that eventually......it's all very selfish of her to do this to you when she saw that you were moving on and doing okay without her....it's okay that that you are feeling so bad after she tore down all the progress you were making. Don't give up!! All the strength you have within you is still there.....in fact, you are STILL the stronger one in this scenario because you are and have been true to your feelings all along.
God...I wish I had the right words to say to make it all better...just remember YOU are in CONTROL OF HOW YOU FEEL and what kind of day you want to make this for yourself....know that you are the best person you can be and that you do your very best to reflect the image of the funny, kind, warm hearted, caring, forgiving, talented and witty guy that you are.....and last but not least, remember how many people you have helped and made laugh here on Ojar....it's just your day to need cheering this time...it will be okay....it will get better again...I PROMISE.
Re::'( JDorn: Safteykc, i've been a long time lurker and am now finally starting to post but I've read up on your entire story over the last month or so. If I may offer my opinion, be strong, don't let her attempt to pull you back in break down all the confidence you've built up as your divorce has gotten closer. It simply isn't worth the pain and heartache you will cause yourself.
I also know what its like to shun and to be shuned by other people, people you'd grown close to who you thought meant the world to you. And no matter how hard I try not to let myself fall back in with the people who hurt me sometimes I can't help myself because I remember how the happiness felt during the good times. And on the flip side, I have also went back to the person I hurt when I was unsure of myself and my feelings and I know what that can do to another person, and how it makes me feel about myself for doing it.
You're almost at the major crossroad of your journey back to being yourself, don't get caught up in feelings. Go back and read your old posts about how much the situation has hurt you, use those as your strength to get through this.
JD
Click More for the next page.
