Here is my story...advice please!! southernprincess: I am 22 years old and live in Alabama. About a year ago I started dating a guy (30) I met while on vacation who lives in California. I visited him out there a few times and when he finally came out here he was so shocked and surprised by how much he loved it, and loved the people and especially the houses. So he bought a brand new house here and asked me and my daughter to move into it and he now spends half his time out there and half here. (prob more like, 70 there 30 here). We have been very much in love and have had some problems but for the most part everything has been good. He has furnished the house and is now looking for more real estate to buy out here, apts etc. He is a lawyer but also buys real estate.
Well weekend before last while I was out in California I was checking my email on his laptop and noticed that one of his recently visited websites was a swinger website! I looked at it real quick and saw that he had a profile that was posted up there for 2 years but was last updated on 6/17/05! So, I kept cool and posted a fake profile and contacted him and he has contacted me back, even messaged me many times talking very dirty and telling me how he has been meeting up with married couples and having sex with them etc. He of course thinks I am someone else, but it is killing me every time! My best friend is a lawyer here and he told me to just play it cool for now and to file for a divorce (since in alabama you can be common law married and I have some stuff that could possibley prove that we are). I want to kill him though!! When he came out this past weekend I was really sweet and nice and he was just like, we are doing so great i love you blah blah. I even told him please don't mess around or anything (in a roundabout way) and he assured me he never would and he is sooo in love with me etc. But I know he has bc he wants to meet "this girl" and has asked to call her. Even told her he has to go to alabama on "business" a lot. I also contacted some of the couples who left "positive feedback" for him on the site, pretending to be a girl who was itnerested in meeting him, and from what they say he has def been going and meeting people and hooking up.
I am shocked and disgusted but want what is best for me and my daughter. Should I keep playing it cool or let him have it or what? If I go off on him he will put me out of our house (is in his name) and me and my daughter will be ou t in the cold. PLEASE ANY ADVICE WILL BE SO GREATLY APPRECIATED. I don't have family except my father and is hard to talk to him about this so this is why I am posting
Re: Here is my story...advice please!! izult: To be honest i'm all for open relationships as long as both parties agree to it. I have some very dear friends who are swingers and i seriously don't feel it's my place to judge their lifestyle. The fact that he's been lying to you this whole time is just wrong wrong wrong. the legal stuff i wouldn't even begin to presume to know about but you've gotta confront him about it soon.
Re: Here is my story...advice please!! southernprincess: Well of course I am not judging anyone else's actions for swinging, but I will certainly judge the actions of the man who is supposed to be my "husband"!! He is out sleeping with other people and leading a double life.
Re: Here is my story...advice please!! acidflask: It sounds like things moved really quickly between you two, but now I'd definitely suggest slowing things down. You've got to look out for your, and your daughters, best interests now. Obviously he has cheated on you several times, but you are in a really bad situation if you have nowhere to go.
Keep your calm until the divorce has been filed. He may still try to get you to leave, but I would think that if he isn't spending much time there anyway, you may be able to come to an arrangement with him. Of course, if you blow up at him, any arrangements that might be made will go out the door.(Along with you :( I'm afraid.)
Just to let you know, I hate giving that advice. In my heart I screaming, "Let him have it!" but my mind says you should keep your cool a little longer. I'd have to also advise backing up what evidence you already have, leaving the backups with a friend in a safe location, and "killing off" your other persona. You already know he's a cheat and a liar. Carrying on with him like that is only going to keep hurting you, not him.
Re: Here is my story...advice please!! gulfcoast: I found this....
http://www.unmarried.org/common-law-marriage.html
Click More for the next page.
