Re:Damaged ostia: [quote author=justmenow link=board=20;threadid=1521;start=0#msg10756 date=1069438007">
I am suspicious of *EVERYTHING*. I do not take anything at face value, I do not become close to people, etc. It's not to the point of paranoia, don't take me wrong, but its just that wall has been raised again and it's very thick this time. Will time allow me to trust again or will it always be this bad? I guess I lost my innocence with this marriage, thinking that someone I loved so completely was capable of such betrayal, dishonesty, disloyalty, and just general sleaze.
[/quote">
I know exactly what you mean. One of the hardest things to deal with, for me, what trying to wrap my brain around the fact that someone I trusted so blinded and completely could be capable of behaving as he did. I was absolutely flabbergasted.
I know that I will never trust anyone like that ever again...but that's probably a good thing. I'm not sure anyone should ever trust anybody like that...it makes you too vulnerable. That doesn't mean you have to shut everyone out, but I think it's not a bad idea to be a tiny bit guarded. Losing your innocence doesn't have to be thought of as a negative thing...it also means that you know yourself and human nature and the world better than you did before.
It's important to remember, though, that while anyone COULD potentially betray and hurt you horribly, that doesn't mean that everyone WILL do that. Fotunately, most people are basically decent and will treat you well.
Another thing I keep reminding myself of is that no matter how much this divorce has damaged me, it has also made me realize that I am much stronger than I ever knew. The fact that I survived what just happened to me reassures me that I will survive any other awful thing that might happen to me in the future--it would be painful and horrible, but I would survive, and ultimately be happy again.
Just try to remember that not everyone is as untrustworthy as your X, and while your divorce may have damaged you emotionally, it has probably also made you a stronger, wiser person in many ways, too.
Just my thoughts on this issue...hope it helps a little, at least!
Re:Damaged justmenow: [quote"> It's like they say about respecting yourself and getting the respect from others. This never made a lot of sense to me because I always respected other people regardless. But I lacked in self-respect. Today I realize I have a lot of control over how others treat me.[/quote">
That makes a lot of sense... Thanks everybody - these are very enlightened and helpful posts. You sound like good, respectable people with your heads on straight. Thank you so much for your input. Sometimes it takes someone else to fill in the blanks and provide the missing pieces to a theory... :)
...and thanks T&S, a good friend as always.
Re:Damaged inebr: hee hee, i was just reading over my post and I said "people and men". hmmmm.... that might really say something about where I'm at with men right now. sorry gentlemen, no bad feelings.
Re:Damaged barelybreathing: justmenow,
Girl do I hear you on this one. I was a confident, secure woman and now, I feel so the opposite. I question every thing now.
I feel so completely broken and so damaged by my experience.
Now of course there is the logical side of me that knows that I did not do anything wrong and that I am an attractive, intelligent soul worthy enough to be in someone's life, but then there is the emotionally bruised side of me that just doesn't buy it.
Why was I cheated on? Why was I lied to? Why was I treated like pond scum when I was humble and graceful about it all. Why was I misled about so many things?
No one deserves to be treated like that. And I was. And I feel completed jaded and damaged as a result.
I know that I should not think this way and that the opposite is true but it is so hard to get in the mindset of that. So very hard indeed.
I feel more than damaged, I feel victimized to an extent.
BB
Re:Damaged JimB: I REALLY have a problem with the term "damage" in this context. (It doesn't bother me as much as certain other words, of course... ;D)
Nobody here is "damaged". (No, BB, not even you.) We've been through something that has rearranged us right down to the core, and caused us to call a lot of things into question that we never saw the need to question before. We are remaking ourselves from the ground up.
It's very natural to want to cling to the past. We all have points in our lives that we look back on and remember as being happy times, and we want to rebuild ourselves back into the person who was able to be so happy then. But then is not now. A whole lot has changed, and not just personally. You can't be that person again, and when you really think about it, why would you want to be?
I think it's very much a victim's mentality to refer to oneself as "damaged". Transitional stages are tough on a lot of levels - why make it any tougher than it already is? You're not the person you once were, and you're not yet the person you're going to be - simple as that. Everyone here has the potential to be the person they want to be, regardless of the levels of pain you've been through. Just keep working and fighting, and keep your eyes on the goal.
Over the course of the rebuilding process, you will re-discover the things in life which you can truly trust, and you will make those things the cornerstones of the new foundation you are building. Some of these things will be familiar - the things you remember being able to trust before - and some will be new. But I think it's soooo natural to doubt everything in the early parts of the process. It will pass, if you let it.
Click More for the next page.
