He doesn't even know his own daughter! DaisyGarden: So s2bx instant messages me today. He asks if I received his email, I've been having email problems (which he is aware of), and so I tell him that I didn't get it. He tells me he's so bored there (he's in the army and right now in school for 4 months). That the army has him living out of a hotel and he's paying for it, they are supposed to pay him back. He doesn't like his roommate. He has no money. I DON"T CARRRE! LEAVE ME ALONE! Call your child and talk to her! Write to her, make time for HER! I don't want any info on your life at all.
He then asks me about our daughter (3 yrs. old), he hasn't tried to contact us since he was home for 4 days in Sept., but now that it's convenient for him...he wants to know how she is! "Is she looking forward to Christmas? Is she still in gymnastic's?" It made me sick! I said "you must feel so awful asking me these things. You don't even know her. You abandoned us." He of course doesn't feel that way, and said so and then clicked off IM.
I'm so sick of telling s2bx about his little girl. He doesn't deserve to have this information. His relationship with her should be his responsibility. Why do I have to keep him alive to her? When he came home last Christmas for 12 days and was a half hour from us, but never came to see her...I was done! When he came home last Sept., and she was so upset when he left, I prayed he'd never come back. This "man" has hurt us so bad, and I can't just be his friend. I want him to get this divorce taken care of. I told him to have his Mom get the divorce papers from his lawyer and help him get it DONE! I told him I'm sick of feeling cheated on and betrayed all the time. That I was sick of hurting and I wished he knew how I felt. He said "I don't want to get into it." I said "I'm sure." My little girl doesn't have a daddy because i was with someone who was IMO, too weak to even 'work' on our marriage.
I'm part of another message board relating to babies born in 2000. And I've been following the story for a few years now, of a woman on there who's husband had an affiar. She was devastated and went through all the emotions that we've all gone through. The only difference being that her husband and her made a commitment to get their relationship and over the course of these last few yrs. actually got it back on track. With the help of counselling they discovered the underlying problems of their marriage and were taught how to overcome and make their marriage stronger. She is now pregnant again and their marriage is very strong. In fact when i first went through my ordeal, she gave lots of support and info. But, it takes 2 and I had a weak person at my side...so now my child pays the price.
I'm just so mad. >:( I dread him coming back at Christmas!
Re:He doesn't even know his own daughter! barelybreathing: It's beyond frustrating isn't it? It's down right heartbreaking.
You see this child, so sweet, so engaging. Learning, growing, discovering. And they (the X's) have missed it all.
I use to be very upset about it. Tormented actually. You know what miss Daisy, I now view it as a gift to me. My X left me. Its devasting. But I know it could be worse. He could be fighting me for "custody", exercising visitation long distance with her. And I would be missing out on time with her.
I don't complain anymore. His absence is my gain.
I hurt for my daughter, of course. But overall, I definately got the better end of the deal.
Hope that helps somewhat....
BB
Re:He doesn't even know his own daughter! PiscesGoddess: Daisy-
I agree with BB.. sounds like you get the better end of the deal here.. you get to be with your child. Its his loss..and a pretty big one at that. My first ex has NOTHING to do with my kids.. at first I railed and screamed at him.. and.. now.. I remember they have ME! A parent that loves and cares and will see them through anything. Just like you cant force anyone to be a spouse, you cant force them to be a parent either. My kids have spent the night with my first ex only ONE time in 3 years.. His choice not mine, no phone calls.. NOTHING. They dont even talk about him anymore.. and are happy and well adjusted. Im sorry , deeply saddened..that we as mothers have to go through this.. but we are all very strong women..and someday..our babies will thank us for it.. we get to see all the wonderful moments that these guys are missing out on... Hang in there sweetie.. Stay strong.. :)
HUGS
Pisces
Re:He doesn't even know his own daughter! DaisyGarden: Thanks for sharing your views. I needed to be reminded. I do feel that way MOST of the time, it's just that when he suddenly 'appears' out of the blue and wants information on her that I lose it. I have gained such a wonderful, loving, sweet child out of this marriage, and he has walked away from us. It truly is is loss. He knows NOTHING about her. He sits in his lonely little "bar" world, and is missing out on soooo much!
