separated after one year al77: My husband left me about a week after our one year anniversary, which he was not even present for. He went on vacation to his home province and returned a different person. We were together for six years before marrying and were very in love, great friends. Everyone loved my husband as well.
My husband's parents treated me horribly from day one and play a major role in our breakup. My husband moved with me to my home town after our marriage when I was offered a wonderful job. He barely lasted four months when he decided that he was unhappy here. His parents were very angry that he had moved with me and constantly pressured him to leave me. He now claims that he doesn't think he should have been married and doesn't think he ever wants children.
Anyway, I am turning 30 soon and have to start my life over again. My friends are all married and having children and have completely ditched me as I am no longer a member of a couple. Not only have I lost my husband, by I have lost my dreams and a lifestyle. To top it off, my husband will not speak to me. This has all come as a complete shock and I am finding it hard to know what steps to take next. This is a great site as I have not met anyone else my age that is divorced or separated.
A.
Re:separated after one year inebr: I'm so sorry you're going through this. Well, welcome to the board. You'll find wonderful support here, the people are so great.
My stbx also said "I don't think I should have been married" and left the marriage around the one-year-mark as well. It really made me angry because I felt like he was saying "well, I got married to you, I don't like it, I'm leaving now" with no effort to try, to reevaluate his mindset, to explore other possibilities for it working out. It still baffles me if I think about it....
Well, anyhow, there's not a lot you can do if he's not willing to work on things with you. There's always the possiblity that he just needs some time away ...you'll have to see how things go. It's rough, I know. And as far as your friends leaving you because you are no longer part of a couple ...well, I would have to ask if they are really true friends to do something like that. I also had a little bit of that reaction from some people.
Ya know, it's hard to have to go through something like this at this age. I mean, it's hard anytime. But I always thought that I'd be settled and married and with children by my age. If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would be 32 and divorcing with no kids I would have really been shocked, mortified. But, you know, I'm ok. I don't feel dependent on a relationship and that puts one in a good position. Plus, it's not 1950 anymore, relationships and marriage have taken on a different meaning in today's society. It doesn't have to be about the 2.5 kids, golden retriever and SUV. IMO it's more about finding a great partnership and that can happen at any age. And kids can come at a much later age these days as well.
Don't mean to sound preachy, I don't know, just my 2 cents .... I just could relate to what you said because I know how it feels...
I wish you the best in this.
Re:separated after one year picadilly: Al77, sorry to hear about that but if he let his parents control him & make a life altering decision for him, what kind of man was he?
As with Inebr, if you had said to me that when I'm 32, I would have no kids, be forced to sell my dream home & that my wife would leave me... I would have thought you were nuts. From the outside (even to me) we were the perfect couple, everyone thought that if anyone would grow old together it was us. But my wife in the end, left me with no real reason, just that I never understood her, that she was not the one for me. Hard to beleive since we've been together for 11 years, that she now decides I don't know her. :'( She told me (over the phone) that she could never envision having my children.
I understand what your going through, everyone here does. Thats why this is such a great place to talk, to vent. You'll get many prespectives here but the one thing we all share is faith & hope... faith in ourselves, faith in each other, hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel... I hear time helps. I don't think I could have made it this first month without this forum. I think you'll be surprised at how many new friends you can make here.
Regarding friends, I'm sorry yours are dropping you because you're single again. I've had allot of support from all my couples friends & the 1 or 2 singles ;) . You have to wonder what kind of freinds do that during the time you need them the most. Maybe set up a girls night out or something, just to get out of the house & to separate the couples.
Be strong & hold on, this is a bumpy ride but with abit of support, you'll make it through.
Re:separated after one year al77: Thanks to you both for the words of encouragement. One reason this is so difficult is that I have recently moved back home after being away for six years. My closest friends are living in another province and the friends I have here are my childhood friends, and we have grown apart anyway. My husband and I were faced with having to meet new friends together, now I have to do this alone. :'(
After xmas when I am feeling a little stronger, I will embark on new opportunities to meet people. Being from a small city, most people I know are attached. I don't have one single friend or acquaintance, unfortunately. Anyway, thanks again.
A. :)
Re:separated after one year picadilly: I know how hard it can be to meet people, my stbx wife was the social butterfly, she has many friends, I do not. Have you considdered looking into a divorce support group? or taking some part time night courses? Thats what I plan on doing next year, heh, a night course in the basics of cooking.. I figure I need it & maybe I'll meet some people. Even take the time to go for drinks after work with some co-workers.
I know thats allot of advice just to meet people, I'm not even sure I feel up to it yet, till the new year. Just remember to be strong, keep us posted & remember to take care of yourself first & foremost.
:)
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