Re:separated after one year al77: Piccadily, Thanks for the advice. It is difficult to start a course in the middle of november, and I am not really ready to put myself out there just yet, but I have some ideas for the winter. I have always had many friends but have moved around so much in recent years, that my husband was always my mainstay. Starting over is pretty scary. I do go to the gym regularly, however. My co-workers are all much older than myself, but have been very supportive.
A. :D
Re:separated after one year Safetykc: Welcome al and I am glad you found the site, but sorry for the reasons you have to be here. Winter is a great time to find new hobbies and interests although you know this is going to be on your mind a TON over the next few months or longer...
Hang in there read stories and we are here to support each other. You will also find it helps your pain through supporting others when possible here on OJAR. At least it was for me.
Take care and welcome.
Big Hugs
Safety
Re:separated after one year justmenow: [quote author=al77 link=board=1;threadid=1536;start=0#msg11003 date=1069545506">
I am turning 30 soon and have to start my life over again. My friends are all married and having children and have completely ditched me as I am no longer a member of a couple. Not only have I lost my husband, by I have lost my dreams and a lifestyle. To top it off, my husband will not speak to me.
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Divorce will rock your world. Luckily you are still young and have a lot of life in front of you. It is going to be very hard not to cling to what is familiar, but you have to let go of your life as you know it. If it helps, I have made more new friends in the past three months since my divorce was final than I made in the preceeding five years! Your life is going to change dramatically, and probably for the better.
Remember this, you are still a good person and you are still worthy of love and friendship. Repeat this to yourself and believe it. I doubt your friends have exiled you on purpose, but it happens sometimes. Especially those with new families - it's such a busy time. As for your X not speaking to you, that may be a blessing in disguise. Sometimes its actually harder when you try to maintain a relationship with them.
Things do get better, believe me. I know you don't know me from anyone else here, but I have been where you are and I know how you are feeling. I am nearly four months post divorce and things have gotten much better. I will not lie to you, there are definite up times and definite down ones. Surround yourself with family and new friends - start to re-build your life with things that make you happy. Moving forward is the only way to put distance between you and the things that make you miserable. It's one step at a time, and you will find strength you never even knew you had.
Hang in there. You've found a good place in ojar.
Re:separated after one year Buggs: Al77 I couldn't agree more with Justmenow, when you're ready, do things that make you happy. Better to have cut your losses at this early stage then to have built a life had children and then divorce. You are young, single and have a full life ahead of you. Don't be too hard on yourself, take the time to find yourself, you like all of us deserve to be happy. I once read that sometimes we feel the need to be a complete person when we are in a relationship, the reality is we don't, we are who we are whether we're single or with a partner, so to your friends who have abandoned you , it's really their loss - friends will come and go in life and true friends are there when times are rough.
Be good
Buggs
Re:separated after one year mightymouse: dear al77, i am going through exactly what you are going through right now. i will be 29 this year and i have been separated from 3 weeks now. i dated my husband for 6 years and got married 1and 2 months ago and he has now walked out. so i can totally relate to your story. i feel that i have wasted all of my 20s with somebody that swore that divorce was not for him and left without giving it a second thought. the thing is that there seem to be no problem during our marriage and one day out of nowhere things that never bothered him did now. after finding out that he was hiding stuff from me i kicked him out so that maybe it will strike him and think seriously about wwhat he was doing, but instead it backed fired at me and he never came back. after a very nasty encounter the following week (he was being cruel to me, telling me that he has realized how unhappy he was and that he never wanted to see me again), he said that he wanted a divorced 1 day before christmas. to make a long story short, he never called during the holidays at all. last week i caught him getting out of a hotel that he had reserved only a week after our split. i freaked out and he confessed that he was with somebody that he had met 2 months ago, but swears that this started after i kicked him out (which i highly doubt because that would mean that it only took him a week to get closed to her enough to take her to a hotel room). but anyways, after begging him for a sorry or a gesture of remorse, he never said i'm sorry or cried. the following day he wrote me an e-mail with a very week attempt for a reconciliation...but when i started to aske questions, he send me another e-mail accusing me of having followed him and snooping around. i havent heard from him in 4 days... i don't think he really wanted to reconcile, otherwise he would be knocking at my door asking for forgiveness
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