Re:Another milestone Safetykc: Of course you can make each other laugh EZ...you and her were in love at one point. That doesn't change...but something did..or you wouldn't be at this point...in her heart...
Don't feel played..My STBX pulls the same stuff...It's all about that comfortable grrove you can still get into with someone who knew you so well and you knew so well at one point in time...
I don't have an answer for you on this one though except I like to believe my STBX was genuine at one point in time even if as time has gone on she changed and maybe I changed too..I dont know...rambling here.
You can't help how you feel though and if it is used or played, so be it. But remember that its hard not to fall back into those patterns we had with those we loved...the good and the bad patterns...thats all.
Re:Another milestone EZ: thanks Saftey and your right if its genuine then cool and if not then that really is her not me
thanks
Re:Another milestone justmenow: It's easy to slip back into familiar habits in the short term when you first split up. My X and I did it so easily up to and even for a while after the divorce was final. We even went on vacation together as a family 2 months after the papers were signed. However, long term, the old hurts started to surface. I realized he was *not* the person he appeard to be, it was just a short term act that he could not maintain. The man I divorced would surface every now and then, reinforcing that we did the right thing. The more time you spend apart, the less easy it becomes to play the family role. What you are going through is normal. It's part of the process, just be careful about what you do around your son, as he will be forever hopeful that you two are going to reconicile.
Good luck.
Re:Another milestone ChristyM: This is my first post here, but this topic really hit home for me. My stbx and I were best friends and when he asked for a divorce two months ago I was devastated. At first I figured if I could only have him as a friend, then fine. I missed talking to him soooo bad. Over time, I have been able to pull away more than he has. He wants the marriage to end, but wants to still come over and act like a family when it suits him. I finally had to tell him that he couldn't do that anymore as it continued to drag our daughter and myself back to a place we didn't want to revisit. It was very hard to tell him that, but I did feel like I was allowing him the best of both worlds. He's trying to make a long distance relationship work and yet he would come over to be with me when he was lonely. Wrong answer! I need to move on and I felt like I was losing my self-respect. The only way he was going to see what he gave up was to not have it around any longer. We are still "friendly" in that our divorce is in process and we have to talk about our daughter, but we don't talk about anything else. It's a sad ending to a marriage, but I felt I had to put boundaries on it or risk being hurt even more down the road. Just my .02......
Christy
Re:Another milestone niceguy: [quote"> I know that this separation and eventual divorce is the best thing for me and that I can only move up from this point on[/quote">
I think this is the same reason why I feel so strange about my divorce. I know its the best thing now. I don't feel anything other than friendship around her anymore. It's good, but it's also a little confusing. I hear you on the talking about other relationships thing too. My X and I talked about relationships we've been in and it didn't have near the effect on me I thought it would. This is all good progress, just trying to find the comfort zone. It will all work out to be whatever it's supposed to be in the end anyway.
Christy...welcome to the boards...as we all say...we're happy to have new people around, but sad to see that anyone has to go looking for this site. It's great you were able to set the boundaries. I have serious bonudary issues, so I have a very difficult time putting up walls. That's one thing with this whole process you begin to learn a lot about yourself. Good luck and keep posting!
