Re: Advice about going back to husband or filing for divorce hudson: Bubby,
you know, reconciling after a year of separation and both spouses involved in extramarital affairs is no easy task. If this is something you truly want in your heart, if you love your husband and want your family reunited, you are going to have to work your ass off. I mean, it's going to take some serious time, effort, sacrifice, etc.
Re: Advice about going back to husband or filing for divorce riversandlakes:
so much pain in here ;(
it's been a year and both parties have Others.
Give up the ghost, bubby. it's easier and less painful for everyone. you build up your family - it wasn't carved in stone. well, sometimes the easier path is...easier.
Re: Advice about going back to husband or filing for divorce insomnia: your story is the same as mine. i made that huge step and went back... it took me 1 year later to swallow my pride etc... and come back to him even though he has someone else who says she loves him and wants him to choose her..... he cant make up his mind what he wants. he has trust issues with me (nothing to do with OM) more to do with whether or not i would ever leave him again and take more of a settlement. i have worked long and hard to fix my marriage and it is the hardest thing i ever had to do. i am still in the process of working and swallowing lots of big pills that he is dishing out to me. i knew i was going to be in for the ride of my life on this emotional rollercoaster.... but i did it anyway because i knew i loved this man.... its been a long while now and it gets very hard at times and i hurt a lot. but i am still hoping for the best.
if you think you love this man and want him back irregardless of his issues, just be prepared for the ride....
i hope i am not discouraging you.... i am telling you that if this is what you want, go for it... just be prepared... it is going to take a lot out of you, but with gods will, there shall be a way.
Re: Advice about going back to husband or filing for divorce Bubby: Thanks so much for posting insomnia and browngreen. It is comforting to know that I'm not the only one in this situation. I'm scared because he called and said he will talk about getting back together. What if we don't work? What if I can't handle the pain and do it? We are going to meet on Sunday afternoon but I'm not sure what is going to happen. Maybe we'll just talk and see what comes from it.
And, thinking out loud: I've learned a lot about marriage (funny, huh) through this. I've learned how much of life isn't black and white. And, the movies lie to you. They show people meeting, falling in love, getting married, having kids and living happily ever after. Or, when one person falls in love with another, they make it seem like when one relationship begins, all of the feelings for the other simply end. But, it doesn't work that way. Things get complicated and sticky. And, I've realized that because things get sticky, it isn't because I am a bad person or because I'm immoral--that I couldn't handle my business or that I'm weak. Situations aren't complicated because people are too weak to avoid them--situations are complicated because life is complicated.
Can we really even avoid complications? I wanted to think that I could avoid pain and hurt but I'm not sure that I can. Sometimes we just have to make the effort regardless of the results.
Re: Advice about going back to husband or filing for divorce brokenhearted: I'm in the same boat I guess, after 15 years of a wonderfull marriage my wife just upped and left me and my three kids with no explainantion. I don't know what is going through her mind I don't even know is she knows what is going through her mind. I know it's a long hard road ahead but she is the love of my life and whether or not she feels the same about me I am ready to fight to get her back. I guess it comes down to a simple choice, do I want to go through hell to be happy again and be with her or do i take the easy road and say goodbye. It's not an easy choice and unfortunatly you or I cannot know what our other half is thinking. Good luck to you.
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