Re:I need advice. grober: Hey,
Just had one more thought. My X cheated on me and when I found out I tried to save our mariage. I gave her several opportunities (more than I should have) to work on things with me and rebuild our relationship. During this time many people told me that "she didn't deserve a second chance" and that I should just "cut her loose". The didn't understand that I HAD TO TRY to save my marriage even though it seemed a lost cause.
My point is that you should do whatever you feel like you need to regardless of what family/friends may say. If that means flying to see her, do it. If things don't work out later, you'll know you made every effort to work things out with her. As mentioned by leem03, you don't want to what-if yourself to death later because you didn't see her.
Good luck.
Re:I need advice. saddayin the bay: great advice from everyone. Thank you I will let you know how it turns out in a few weeks, but I have to try. I do truely love her, and I know she loves me, i think I was just raised better. I respect our marriage enough to at least try. Whether it works or not, I guess we'll see. Thank you folks.
Re:I need advice. saddayin the bay: well I found out a few hours ago that she has done some internet divorce paper thing. hmm She wrote to this company called legalzoom and they emailed her papers to Iraq. Is that possible? How does that work?
That deserves its own thread.
Anyhow, Icalled her mother to try and find out what the deal is, and she said she didnt know that we were divorcing, but my stbx told her what happened, even took responsibility. she then said that she doesnt want to live with me carrying that guilt. Her mother was very nice and apologized (not like she had to) and said I was a wonderful son-in-law.
Her Dad wont even return my calls or talk to me and he is a psychologist. I thought we were tight, but I guess not.
I'm bummed. But not so desperate as to make an ass of myself in front of her. So i'm gonna cut off contact, so I can grieve on my own. Then go to Co in a few weeks to end this thing,,,if she is even there. :-\
Re:I need advice. DaisyGarden: Your story is slightly similar to mine. My s2bx is in the army, and was also sent to Iraq. But, we had been "divorcing" for 1 yr. before he went though. My s2bx also had an affair, one yr. earlier with a married woman. We have a 3 yr. old together.
I had hopes that he would veiw our marriage, our family, our love differently being at war, but that wasn't the case at all. They sent him back to CO (he is also in CO), after 4 months in Iraq so that he could attend school. When he came home and we sat and talked, he said that he went and spoke with a Chaplain about our marriage, who told him to Never stay married for the sake of the kids, but only because you want to. That verified everything for him even more.
All of my s2bx's friends in the army are divorced. This is a normal, common thing to him, everyone he knows can relate. He has a lot of support and a lot of people telling him it'll be ok. I don't think anyone has said anything positive to him regarding our marriage. My s2bx is a total playboy now. Maybe this is common in the military? ???
I wish you the best of luck! I know how much this hurts! :-\
Re:I need advice. val3128: Concerning the book "Stop your Divorce", I read some of it on the net and I tried it. Let me tell you that surprisingly, it worked for me.
I changed my attitude. Beeing Happy, have confindence in myself, Knowing that I am a good partner of life and that if my STBX is not coming back to me, a lot of men would be interested in me. I told my housband that I was ready for the divorce and everything. He was so surprised that he asked me if I met another guy! We ended up in the same bed that same night.
I think that the methode is verry good because there's a good chance your wife change her mind but if she is not, you won't be destroyed emotionnaly.
I think that what is important to remember is that nobody is interested in "loosers". If she sees that you seem not to be able to live without her, she won't be attracted to you. On the other hand, if she sees that you don't really care anymore, she will wan't to guet you back.
It worked for me, I know every situation is differant. But it's worth trying.
Good luck! And guive us news... ;)
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