Re:I need advice. PiscesGoddess: :'( Once again..Im truly sorry.. I cant give you the answer.. I guess I say follow your heart.. I mean it sounds like you both are on a rollercoaster..and the distance doesnt help.. Can you try counseling when she gets back? Im sure talking face to face might put things into some sort of perspective for the both of you... I really dont know.. this whole thing.. for all of us ...in our precarious situations..is ..a roller coaster.. I wish you the best of luck.. There is always a chance it can all work out.. Just ..make sure you eyes are open.. and you dont cause yourself more pain.. :-\ :-\
Re:I need advice. Safetykc: What you are going through with her is called the Push-Pull, Sadday.
My STBX WENT through IT ALOT!!!!!
The more I wanted her back and smothered with the I love yous the more she pulled away...when I pulled away from her...she pulled back hard...Teeter Totter....It went on for a while...
You have to find a balance you can both live with...easier said than done...she still does the pus pull...she doesnt see it as clearly as I do..and I must admit I fall back into it sometimes as well..as edvidenced by me throwing up regularly here on OJAR.... ;)
Hang in there...Keep reading and thinking logically through this. Also try counseling..they will be able to help guide you through many of these "natural" feelings you are having and be able to add an outside perpective...
Just a thought.
We are here for you man...Hang in there....
Safety
Re:I need advice. saddayin the bay: Push and Pull? I like that. that describes it perfectly. I think i will see her, maybe i will be disgusted and not care. Or maybe I wont, but I wont show emotions. i'm just gonna be cool and her friend, like we were when we first met. Thats all I can do i guess. maybe i might even get to bop her one last time...everyone else has >:(
see this is me getting mad. my emotions are different everyday, every hour. in 10 minutes i will be crying. Then i will be happy that it is probably over. Then when i finally go to bed and get the 2-3 hours of sleep i have been getting, i will have severe nightmares about this whole thing..Same as every other day recently.
:'( It's gonna be hard to hide my emotions when i see her, but I have to remember to be strong. Maybe I should get a good one out before her plane arrives....if she even shows up ???
Re:I need advice. leem03: It sounds as if you've made up your mind to go see her. So it seems to me that is obviously what you should do. If you still have any hope that your relationship might work then you should follow your heart. Otherwise, if you don't go, you'll be playing the what-if game for a very long time.
Just try to keep yourself together while you're there. Keep your eyes open. You can't make someone else love you, but there is no shame in letting them know how much you still love them. If you don't, like I said, you will play the what-if game. Sometimes that can be worse than anything. This way you'll know I gave it my all & did everything that I could to save this relationship & you in the end will have no regrets that way.
Stay strong & good luck...whatever you decide!
Re:I need advice. newandconfused: Welcome to OJAR--but sorry you had to find this site the way you did.
It sounds as if your wife doesn't want to be married anymore. And it isn't your fault. She made her own decisions--including "going out" when you were studying and cheating the couple of times...and now having a boyfriend in Iraq. ... all the things I wish I could say here, but none would be constructive...
I suppose I'm a little bitter because my H is in the military and he too has cheated on me while away on TDY a couple of times. Do I think once a cheater always a cheater? Well, probably. Especially in the military. It's a huge fraternity, with different rules that are acceptable compared to civilian jobs. (well, most professional civilian jobs, I would say)
I can't give you much advice about how to go about with your relationship now. But to give you an example of what might happen if you stay-- I find myself in a situation where I'm "working on trust issues" with my H (due to his behavior) and I don't know how constructive it is for my self esteem. I mean, it's a lot to handle and sometimes I think if I had had the courage just to leave right away I might be in a different position in this life.
Do what's best for you--and if it means going to see your wife at the plane in CO (i think it was), then go. Don't sit and wait. But make sure you are true to yourself because once you start making deals with her and acting in a way that she wants you to (i.e, push-pull) you lose yourself and a lot of healthy perspective. Take it from me, I know.
Best of luck--
Snoopy
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