Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance LostTeacher: that is exactly what i am hoping for... that there is that someone out there.
i was with my stbxh from such a young age, that i never gave myself the chance to see if there was someone else out there that was better for me. i was happy with him at the time, and even when things weren't great, i never contemplated leaving.
now that i am on my own, i can see that things between us were not healthy. i didn't care about my own happiness when i was with him, i didn't take care of myself, i let him do anything and everything he wanted to do....life was about him. and that's not the way life should be. when you are married, you should be on the same page about stuff. about things like money, houses, pets, kids. and we were so not at the same place for any of those things. so maybe the best thing was for us not to be together, so that we could find someone that we could be happy with.
now, i am not saying that i hope he is happy with his OW yet. maybe one day, but not quite yet. but I want to be happy, and i want to find that love that i deserve. and maybe now i have the opportunity to do that.
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance inthemiddle: Yes, I think you do have that opportunity now (if you're at a place where you're emotionally ready for it). Your '2nd chance' will come, and it will be better than you ever thought possible in part because you've had time to learn about yourself and from your past mistakes.
Your story is kinda similar to mine actually. My STBX and I were together since we were both 16. We didn't get married till 8 years later, and went to different colleges, so I always thought that was 'the test' that we would last. I was happy with him during our marriage too, even though he had his faults...but I figured everyone has them (me included), it's just whether or not you can live with them, right? He was my best friend...I loved him so much, but looking back, we did have a bit of a parental/child dimension going on...ie: I was the responsible one who looked after everything, and he didn't help out much, jumped jobs a lot and always wanted what we couldn't afford. For him the grass was always greener ...I just never thought that would apply to me too. I think in the end he 'rebelled' against me and had to get out. Ever read 'Rebuilding after your relationship ends'? I think the 'rebellion' section of that book explains it to a tee.
Anyway, I agree with your OW comment...I don't particulary hope that he's happy with her either. It would be poetic justice and good karma if she left his a$$, but I'm at a point where I care less and less either way (although I still have my moments ;) ). I'm more concerned that she treats my son well when he's with them...and I think that's the case.
I think my poetic justice now is that I found someone better than him. My BF is mature, self-reliant, determined, committed, a good 2nd father to my son and he *gasp* likes to help out too! I think all in all, he's just more suited to me at this point in my life. My ex was more of a 'bad boy' which appealed to me then, but my BF is a 'nice guy' and that's what I want now. 2nd chances, right?!?
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance wstcstmama: "and expect me not to be pissed, hurt and say somethings I regret"
WHAT is it about these exes that everything *WE* say is evil and wrong but they never ever look at the things they say. My X does this ALL the time and he never even attempts to think I might have been upset at the time.
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance Older Guy: Well said Teach!
[quote author=LostTeacher link=topic=15525.msg131160#msg131160 date=1121970561">
sometimes the biggest blessing is that we don't do the whole "second chance" thing.
now, i am not saying that i didn't want one. i was more than willing to go to councelling, or get some help, or work on our relationship. but when he decided that it was over...it was over. you can't force a person into doing something they don't want to do. and for whatever reason....be it he needed to be alone, another woman, whatever....he wanted out. and no amount of crying and begging was going to get him to change his mind.
and honestly, maybe that was for the best. maybe i am better off without him. i miss him terribly sometimes....i feel very lonely sometimes....but i don't miss the bad....i don't miss the being put down, the being ignored....i don't miss the person that didn't care about my happiness.
sometimes things happen for a reason. it doesn't mean that we have to stop hoping for that second chance, but maybe it's not happening for a reason.
and maybe somewhere out there right now...is someone that is going to be very happy that you didn't get that second chance....because it will give them the opportunity to love you.....
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Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance Ilosther: Doesn't it hurt? How our attempts at holding on to them and wanting them to see how much love and happiness there is actually gets thrown back in our face?
A friend of mine, also divorced, has told me it's just TRAGIC, when one person is holding on so badly and is still wanting it to work when the other is so far gone.
Why do we even bother trying? It makes us look desperate, pathetic. I want to be able to just turn my back on her, tell her off, but what good is that when I still want her to stay?
But I have also been told that at least for my wife, her logic is not right, any amount of fighting or caring for her will not do any good. She must leave and find herself. Hopefully the reality of the world will be her slap in the face, just like they are slapping us in the face with all their minor negatives that they keep bringing up. Those negatives do not add up to a divorce, they are just negatives in their heads.
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