Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance Older Guy: I do not hope that my wife gets slapped in the face with anything - as much as her leaving hurt - i really want her to find happiness. She's a nice person and deserves to be happy. You never oknow what can happen...if our paths cross again it would have been menat to be. If the dont...well, you know..life is too short to be waiting.
Bob
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance kfc75: "Ever read 'Rebuilding after your relationship ends'? I think the 'rebellion' section of that book explains it to a tee."
Yes, in fact it was kinda what spawned this post, before reading that I had always placed the blame all on me pretty much, I know I am at least somewhat to blame, but as I read the rebillion section of Rebuilding I became more and more aware that my actions probably had a lot less to do with the breakdown than I had thought, at this point I stopped being so angry at myself and beating myself up and started getting angry at her. And I have been very good at controlling my anger, I have been getting it out thru writing letters to her and pretty much everyone who has ever pissed me off, and I have also been writing more and more poetry which has helped too. I had told her it made me mad that we never got to try and fix things, to which she replied "well, if thats what you believe then fine"
You know, now I don't know if I even want the second chance, and that just makes me feel so alone and depressed, I think that sliver of hope is fading.
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance jt5639: The thing about 2nd chances - it means they have to work too - and on themselves. I think that's really what scared my ex - realizing how much of himself he would need to explore in order to solve our problems. I take pride in that I was able and willing to go there, that I'm not scared of self-reflection, that I want to challenge myself. When I get sad or pissed that he "didn't even try" it helps me to know that I honored my heart, and that I was willing and able to try. For what it's worth...
jt
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance Older Guy: Good work JT.....sounds a lot like i feel.
Bob
[quote author=jt5639 link=topic=15525.msg132332#msg132332 date=1122105752">
The thing about 2nd chances - it means they have to work too - and on themselves. I think that's really what scared my ex - realizing how much of himself he would need to explore in order to solve our problems. I take pride in that I was able and willing to go there, that I'm not scared of self-reflection, that I want to challenge myself. When I get sad or pissed that he "didn't even try" it helps me to know that I honored my heart, and that I was willing and able to try. For what it's worth...
jt
[/quote">
Re: So angry I never got a 2nd chance inthemiddle: Yes, that was the thing that got me too...he wasn't even willing to TRY. Its not like our marriage was horrible. We rarely fought, always told each other 'I love you' every day, and got along just fine. The last 3 or 4 months were a bit different mind you... we didn't talk as much, didn't have a lot of sex, but I just chalked that up to the new baby and me being exhausted from getting up every 2 hours at night and then trying to work while looking after the baby during the day (I was working from home). I just thought it was a phase and that we needed to start having 'date' nights or something...boy was I wrong. I didn't find out about the OW till the day before he left...actually I think that's what made up his mind for him...before that he was stringing me along.
I'm the only one in my family to be getting a divorce, and that kinda makes me feel like the black sheep. Not that my family's not supportive...they totally are, but I feel like a bit of a failure sometimes. But it helps to know that I was at least willing to try (even after finding out about the OW) and he wasn't...so what could I do? I couldn't force him to stay. I could walk away with my head held high and know I did everything I could to save my marriage.
I also realized after reading RAYRE that my actions had less to do with the breakup than I thought. That book's pretty good, eh kfc75? It helped to stop the 'blame game' I was playing with myself. Although I still have my days even now...but they're fewer and far between.
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