no cantact works? hardheaded: I have recently been debating myself about going to no contact with my ex except for the mail. We have a 5 year old son and are both very involved with him. Our conversations have been getting more and more ugly by the day. She is a good person and we were "FRIENDS" two weeks ago but she stopped calling me, answering my calls and will not return them until a days later.
I was trying to rationalize what happened but she says i dont need to know and refuses to talk about it and hangs up. This infurates me and makes me want to call back immediately to find out why she does this (sometimes i do and nothing good comes from it and i know what the outcome will be so why do i torture myself) Anyways, I have realized that I am trying to get a need met that will never be from her so I am thinking that this no cantact policy will help me pull away from her and back to myself. Is this true and what are some ways to avoid it when the urge hits?
Hardheaded :-\
Re: no cantact works? timetobefree: Yes, no contact works. In some ways, it sounds like she is doing it to you. ::)
Why I think it works? It allows you to take back some control. You now control when you talk to her. You are in charge of the conversations, if they happen. It also allows you to start focusing on you instead of her or the relationship. If you don't know what is going on with her, it will force you to focus on yourself. Which can suck sometimes, but in the end is worth it. No contact also gives you the time and space you need to realize that life can go on without them, and not only go on, but be better in lots of ways.
The best ways to avoid contacting them when the urge hits? Pinch yourself. Post here. Chug water (or something else). Eat a mouth full of gum balls so you can't talk. Write in your journal. Play with your son. Write a friend an email. Call a friend (I had a friend on stand-by for several weeks; I must have called her 400000 times before it got easier). Do ANYTHING to break the habit. Do jumping jacks. Go for a run. Sing a song at the top of your lungs.
It is hard to do, especially with a child. I don't have children with him so it was easier for me. Not that it was easy. But there are lots of people on here who have gone no contact even with kids. It just means refusing to discuss anything not related to your child. They will have some good advice for you on how to control that.
Good luck,
Amy ;D
Re: no cantact works? little_sparrow: Great post Amy.
thanks - sparrow
Re: no cantact works? Lumpy: No contact when you have a child however is not usually a good idea. If things are truly horrendous keep it to e-mails. Consider co-parenting counseling.
