My better half is gone for good fcard05: Just wanted to tell my tale. We were married for 10 years and we have a beautiful 4 year old boy. In 2002 my wife was offered "the chance of a lifetime" in her career. We agreed that I would quit my job, raise our son until he could go to school full time, since her new dream job would require extensive travel and long hours. The days, months, and years passed, the light at the end of the tunnel was always right around the corner she assured me. But her career just consumed her life more and more. The hours got longer, the travel more frequent, while my life slipped into a funk, 100% focused on her, our son, and our huge house that we really had no need for. Well, to make a long story short, she came home from a business trip on 7/7/05 and told me that she didn't love me anymore and we were through. For 4-5 days I kept my head thinking positively trying to show her how much we had to be thankful for together and pleading with her to at least give counseling a try. But over those days her position just became more entrenched. On 7/11 she asked if I thought it was a good idea if we should still live together. I said absolutely, she said she didn't think so and said she was moving out. She moved out last weekend and my heart is broken. I love her so much and we have had so many good years together that it seems unreasonable to me that it could just be over without even fighting to get back what we had. The divorce papers will be filed soon and all the dreams that we had for 10 years of marriage plus 4 years of dating and living together will be nothing more than ashes. I am in a bad place, but I have to keep it together for my son. When he is with me I am so thankful, but also scared of what the future holds for him. It is so tough to remain strong for him, but when he is with his Mom or at his day camp on Tuesdays and Thursdays I find myself in the deepest grief I have ever felt in my life. I have a few friends I can count on and a small family circle that has been supportive, but in the end I must find a way to make it through this, and make the right decisions on my own.
Re: My better half is gone for good riversandlakes:
you gave up so much for this family, and it went unappreciated. it's only human...
find a direction, fcard, because whatever she does she will do it. curse the freewill part if you will, but she will. let's not go to the OM possibility - who cares?
you quit your job for many years now it seems?
Re: My better half is gone for good fcard05: thanks for the reply riversandlakes. I quit my job a little over 3 years ago and now I know that whatever I walk into will be relatively low paying considering how long I have been out of my field. I will be literally starting from near the bottom while she moves on with her $120,000 plus Vice President position.
And yes, I believe there is another man although I have no tangible proof and she denies it.
Re: My better half is gone for good riversandlakes:
what has passed has passed. three years you gave up for this family - may the Lord put it in your account...
imho, it seems like you will also lose custody of the child, because she's making 200K per annum and a VP. bad news abound.
go out there, fcard, find your direction again (work?).
Re: My better half is gone for good teacherwriterguy: Sounds like you are due some spousal support given what you gave up so she could pursue a higher income.
But that's kind of besides the point at the moment - money doesn't really make up for having to go through any of this.
One of the first pieces of advice I read - can't remember where - when I realized my ex and I were really getting divorced talked about the divorce conveyor belt.
It talked about how there's kind of a path towards being emotionally ready to divorce. And the leaver tends to do a lot of grieving in advance - because they are making the decision, they can take the time in their head, before anyone knows what they are thinking, to prepare themselves for the idea of divorce. By the time they verbalize it to the leavee (you), they are already well along that path and you are just starting to grieve.
It's not fair - but there it is. :(
Just know that right now is the worst time in the whole process - this is rock bottom, the realization that she's really leaving. If you can make it through this part, you are going to make it through the rest.
keep posting!
twg
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