Re:The ink isn't even dry and she pulls a 180 grober: Ah Yes, this sounds VERY familiar. My X did it a couple of times. Once after we signed the papers and everything became "real" for her. And again when everything was finalized. She told me it was all a mistake, she was stupid and she was sorry. Luckily by the time everything was final I'd healed enough to see what was really going on.
My X just wanted me to be reassuring, tell her everything was OK and calm the uncertainity she was experiencing. Contrary to popular belief, even the leaver experiences fear of the change in their life. Even though they initiated it, they try to cling to that which is familar and safe. However, that doesn't mean that there is no possibility she is sincere in a desire for a reconciliation. She could be. That is what the 30 day wait is all about.
The question is what do you want? IMO if she was serious she would back the talk up with counciling and a real effort to reconnect with you, not just say "I miss you" and "I love you".
Just my 2 cents.
Good luck
Re:The ink isn't even dry and she pulls a 180 brynne: Dave,
My STBX called me 3 times Sat. night - even thou he knew where I was & who I was with !
Crazy, I know...I think it's a woman's nature to change her mind...it is for me. But divorce is a MAJOR decision, no to be taken lightly. If she wanted it & went thru w/ it then that's a decision she made that effected you & your life in a major way. So she must live w/ her decisions & you should to.
That's not fair to suddenly want you back, IMO...wonder if her mind would change again if you agreed ??
Hope
Re:The ink isn't even dry and she pulls a 180 dave677: Thanks for the advise and the personal stories, it really helps to know that this isn't unique.
I have for the past 3 months desparately wanted our marriage to work. I have tried everything to get her to stay, and she thwarted every attempt. She would not go to counciling with me. She adamently said "I am not happy being married and I want a divorce." Even after I had "accepted" that it was going to happen, I still in the back of my mind/heart wanted it to work, although I went through the motions of the divorce. We have talked a few times since she moved out, and I think that she is just now feeling what I have been tormented with the past months.
Now I have to question myself on if I really accepted the divorce or not. I never have said that I wanted one. I just quit trying to talk her out of it. I don't know how to handle this if she changes her mind now. Things have progressed so far. Major financial things have happened. I am still an emotional wreck. I still love her even though she has crushed me. Every time I see her or talk to her it is soo painful, when I still cling on, yet pretend to accept it. And then her tinkering on the edge.....
I know that this isn't anything new around here, but man! This is rough! My health has taken a downward spiral because of all this stress. I just need to figure out what to do. I realize it took a long time to get here, and no small amount of time can fix that. So I need to figure out how to emotionally shut her out. Is that possible?
Re:The ink isn't even dry and she pulls a 180 picadilly: Dave, take care of yourself. I know that first couple weeks after my stbx wife left me, I hardly eat anything & stopped going to the gym for those 2 weeks. I felt I needed to do something, there was no point in sitting all alone in a dark house, doing nothing. So I grabbed an energy bar & hit the gym. It felt so good to do something... anything other then moping about, if it was only for an hour.
I've started to go to the gym like I used to, trying to eat regularly now too. I know it's hard, believe me I still have my bad days (weeks sometimes) but I still get to the gym atleast 3 times a week, for my health & to keep me moving. I hope you think about doing the same.
Try to take care of yourself first, keep your health up. Your the only one looking out for you now. It's gotta start somewhere.
Be strong.
