Problems with S2BX's drug use brokenman: Perhaps I can find a few ears here from the 'Just Say No' generation. I grew up with the 'just say no' attitude towards drugs. Aside from being a typical hang-up, I think my 'just say no' beliefs are really making me uneasy and angry at my S2BX for her use of pot, Xanax, and who know what else. Frankly, we are divorcing and I could care less what she does when our daughter is not at her house, but I am bothered to frustration with her irresponsible use of drugs.
Part of me thinks that she is trying to drown out the guilt and feelings she has about having the affair, but I believe that it was the recklesness and dangerousness of drugs that attracted her to the useless man she is with now. It just frustrates me that someone who was so responsible and thoughtful could turn so careless and stupid.
To top it all off, she comes back crying to get me to let her move back home and make things work. She promises to try couseling and making every day better than the last. Then at night she is getting stoned out of her mind and sleeping with the other guy. Ugghhh. Gross. I told her that the divorce is happening whether she truly wants it or not and that I cannot be with her anymore. I just hate to see her destroy herself.
How can someone expect their spouse to take them back when they continue to act so stupidly. If she really wanted to come back then she'd make some effort to straighten herself out and show real change. Her actions, however, show that she is just having separation anxiety and I am doing the right thing.
The affair is the death of our marriage and I can cope with that. The lack of real change shows no hope for the future and I can cope with that. The lies she has told me show that I can never trust her and I can cope with that. The drug use is different. I feel like she is going to die and I can't deal with it at all. She sees it as something that is harmless, fun and that "everyone does it". What a bunch of bull!
Anyone else have a S2BX or EX that uses drugs? Did you have the same feelings? How about custody issues with someone who uses drugs but has no arrest record? Ugghh.
Re:Problems with S2BX's drug use bamboo: My s2bx has recently gotten into drugs. A month after he left me, he came back to try and get me back. I agreed to go out to dinner with him and talk. During the drive to dinner he told me that he wanted me to try the drugs so that I could see what it was like. From that moment on, I knew it would never work out between us. I was not about to throw my life away. To my s2bx, drugs and alcohol is his escape from the reality of this separation/divorce. He admits to me all the time that when he is feeling down, he just gets trashed so that he forgets everything. Our wedding anniv was 2 weeks ago and he couldn't "deal with it" so he went out and got drunk. He is a very immature person.....
I don't have any kids so I don't know what to say about the custody thing, but you could always request a random drug test on your s2bx. Talk to your lawyer about it.
Re:Problems with S2BX's drug use ChrisJane: My stbx is into booze, pills, coke, weed. When he comes off it he would plead to make the marriage work, back on it he'd be out with any one that would have him.
He was arrested this weekend and had to dry out so of course he was seeing the mess his life was for a short period and had his mom plead his case to me that he wanted to come talk to me. I told her I filed for a divorce so I could get away from this stuff, its not my job anymore. I honestly believe everyone thought again I'd bail him out of this mess and we'd be back together. They found out differently.
My ex sister in law had it worded in her divorce that her ex could not drink or do drugs during visits or allow anyone else to. As well as he is not allowed to 24 hours prior to visitations. She has a selfbreathalizer that he has to breath in to prove he hasn't been drinking and once a month he must do a drug test at the sheriff's department to show he is not using drugs.
