My Story and My Dilemma... Seraph: Well, considering the fact that I've been lurking and posting on other people's threads long enough to become a "senior member", it's probably past time for me to post my own... 
My ex-wife and I met when we were both freshmen in high school. We both hung out with the same group of friends throughout high school and dated most of our senior year. After graduation, she moved to Texas to go to college and we lost touch. I heard from her a year later, and she told me she was engaged and going to be married within a month... 
Fast-forward four years later to our five-year class reunion. We crossed paths again and compared notes on where our lives had taken us. It turns out that the man she married in college was abusive on many levels, and she had divorced him a year earlier. Even better, she had moved back home... 
We started talking and eventually dating again. A year later we were married. Our marriage was far from perfect, but it wasn't a horror show, either. Her main complaint was that I wasn't communicative enough, and mine was that she let her parents run her life. There weren't any catastrophic meltdowns, no drugs, no abuse or infidelity, nothing that would be a definite "tell" that the marriage was in trouble. Besides, we loved each other - wasn't that enough? ::)
Two years ago this month, she left. Six months after that the divorce was final. For the first year and a half, she was steadfast in her belief, at least outwardly, that the divorce was the right thing for both of us (thanks, but I don't remember being asked my opinion on whether or not we stayed together to begin with 
)
She started dating an older man right before the divorce was final until about six months ago, although she denies to this day it was ever physical. Yeah, sure... ::) I spend a solid year listening to my son tell me all about "Mama's boyfriend" and it was just platonic? That doesn't wash with me. It looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck and yet she's still trying to convince me it was just a chicken with a speech impediment... ... 
Six months ago, she started hinting at a possible reconciliation.
Re:My Story and My Dilemma... Seraph: So...
She wants to reconcile. :o
I'm not at all sure how I feel about that. She's told me repeatedly over the past six months that no one will ever understand her like I do, or hold the same place in her heart. She still maintains that her BF was "just a friend" and never a threat to "our" relationship... ::)
You know, a year ago I would've jumped at this. Today, however... ???
How do you trust someone who has left you once already? Who brought another man into our son's life? How do you get past the fear that they'll just get up and leave again if they decide the marriage no longer meets their needs?
Who in their right mind would take that kind of chance again?
Re:My Story and My Dilemma... down2basics: Wow Seraph - I've been looking for this thread - glad you finally posted it! ;D It's good to finally see just exactly what's happened to you and to now see why you feel the way you do. :-[
Believe me when I tell you - I understand COMPLETELY your side of this story. Wanna know why? Because I've lived it - almost verbatim and to the exact day! Your saga began and "ended" almost on the exact same days as mine. However, I'm on the flip side. My X said the EXACT same things as you're saying here - almost word for word. It was so similar in fact, I accused him of using an alias on my board and posting our story. Of course, he denied it strongly - which was why I posed the question to you about how long you were married and how many children you had.
The question you really need to ask yourself here though is this: What do you want to happen here? Do you want to try to work it out and reconcile? or Do you want to walk away with your freedom? What do you want to happen and what are you willing to do to make it happen? You've got to make the choice.
If you're going to sit there and wait for her to cave in and crawl back on her knees - you're doomed from the start. You're going to have to at least meet her half-way. To do that - you're going to have to let go of the past. The past is irrelevant if you want to reconcile. Which basically poses the question...."Do you wanna be married or do you wanna be right?"
Forgive me if I sound harsh - that's not what I mean at all...I would like for you to think about what I've said though. You're at a cross roads - choose wisely. I wish you all the best no matter what your decision is.
Hugs!
d2b
Re:My Story and My Dilemma... Seraph: d2b,
I understand that, and that's what I'm struggling with at the moment...
So your situation is that similar mine? Oh my... ::) Which exact same things did your ex say? (if I may ask... ;D)
Re:My Story and My Dilemma... down2basics: OMG!!! EVERYTHING! Right down to the same kinds of emoticons! I'm telling you - it's REALLY weird! LOL! ;D
For instance.... "Her main complaint was that I wasn't communicative enough, and mine was that she let her parents run her life." Eeeeek! Ok - this is really strange! LOL!
Then you said...."(thanks, but I don't remember being asked my opinion on whether or not we stayed together to begin with)" Do Do Do Do.....Do Do Do Do! I'm taking a journey beyond sight and sound - I've entered the de-ja-voo zone!!!
And last but certainly not least...."How do you trust someone who has left you once already? Who brought another man into our son's life? How do you get past the fear that they'll just get up and leave again if they decide the marriage no longer meets their needs?" Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! This is tooo weird!!!
So....now do you see why I went :o when I read your post? LOL! ;D
d2b
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