completely blindsided and devastated avecito: it has been three weeks now.... three weeks since my tragedy began. i have been in "survivor" mode, trying to be strong and now the grief is really starting to hit me hard.
best friends for over 6 years, lovers for 5, engaged for 2 1/2 years and married for 4 months before he started cheating on me. my husband who is my best friend is having an affair. everyone is in shock, his family, his friends wont talk to him. EVERYONE including myself, never thought that HE would do something like this. i am 34 and this is my first marriage... i took my time and found my soulmate...i just cant believe this is happening to me...all my hopes, dreams, future, everything is gone. and i am so humiliated and betrayed, we just got married!!!!
he has no answers for me, only that he doesnt want to hurt me anymore...the story is long. i know i will make it through this okay but i am so tired of being "strong." i am just so sad right now, so completely devastated...i can barely write this, it has taken 15 minutes already because i am crying so much. i write because i need to grieve and you all seem like you can relate to the pain i am feeling right now and i just need to get this out. thanks.
Re:completely blindsided and devastated picadilly: I'm so sorry that your husband did that to you & your still in your honeymoon mindset. My wife left me about a month ago but she never cheated on me (that I know of) but the pain is the same. We were with each other for 11 years total, so I know how you feel, I've been down in the dumps for the last few days too.
You've heard this before, God knows I have but you have to be strong for yourself. You need to find out who you are as a single person. It's not going to be easy, I know this for a fact. There is nothing that can heal this pain but time. Take time out for yourself, get a glass of wine, a good book or movie. Something to keep you busy. As I type this I have a glass of red wine (no beer in the house :) ). Don't get yourself stone drunk to forget you worries, that gets you nowhere, but just slow down & have some "me" time.
Chin up, things will get better with time. only way is up. ;)
May I ask, is he still seeing this OW? Or was this just one huge slip up on his part? Is there a chance that therepy or counselling will help? This of course all hinges on wheather or not you can ever trust him again.
Re:completely blindsided and devastated avecito: thanks picadilly, for your kind words.
no flowers, no begging forgiveness, nothing but "i dont want to hurt you again." yes, he is still seeing her, lying to me and she happens to be married for 15 years with 2 children.... seems like he would rather wait around for her to see if she leaves her husband (a woman that he has only known for a month) than save our marriage....
i asked him to leave the house before i found out about the affair.... i asked him to leave based on a "phone relationship" i found out about. needless to say, i can not tolorate adultery and even if i could, after 4 months.... NO WAY! i deserve better than that!
anyway, thanks for your message! i know i will make it through, it just really sucks right now.
emily
Re:completely blindsided and devastated EZ: hi Avecito
im so sorry. i wished i could help you. you are right about several
things though and you do deserve so much better, yet i know that does not help now but it will.
my prayers are with you
peace and love always
Re:completely blindsided and devastated alienant: What happened to you, happened to me too... he was cheating with a coworker. four or five months into my marriage...At first I couldn't believe it and didn't want to.... Then she would phone our home... That took nerve. Then he became abusive later... anyway.. I tried tomake it work... One day a year later he tells me that he wants to stay married but wants to date????........ at that point I already had enough.... He was manipulating, abusive etc.... then I decided to leave the marriage.. move and start all over again..... Yes it was hard...but I got new sheets.. etc...People at work whispered and gossiped etc.... it was horrible... Then to top it all off my boss was harassing me too... ( another long story)..I ended up on paxil .... ........So I sad to heck with it all and moved...... If your not seeing a professional counsellor please do so because the stress just crept up on me till I had a panic attack... It's not like I saw depression coming.... I had those blank stares... another woman at work, who had gone through a divorce could see that on me. I was in shock for awhile actually... I'm done now with 15 months of seperation... so I'm ready for the next process of paperwork....But to even get this far has been a total hell....... I think this is the first xmas I may be OK.... I haven't taken out decorations yet.... too many memories
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