I just want to be strong Maria23: So I found out the other day that my divorce papers were rejected by the judge assigned to our case. It was bad enough that I had to sign papers that said I was a complete a**hole because my husband's attorney thought that it would go faster that way. Even though I left him, I wasn't ready for the divorce and he pretty much went ahead with the paperwork anyway. So here I am, six months later and I'm still married. And I'm so confused about everything. Initially, I saw this as a sign that my husband and I should reevaluate things. When I said this to him, he said he had reevaluated, and that we were better off being friends rather than in a romantic relationship. I just...I don't know, I don't know how this went so far. I moved back in with my parents for awhile so I could think about the problems in my marriage, and it looks like I was right with my instinct...he just doesn't care about me the way I care about him. Alot of people think that I am the one in the wrong because I left, but I didn't leave with the intention of never going back. And now all this is happening and I'm completely overwhelmed. And living with my parents is driving me so nuts, but I've gone back to school and can't afford to live on my own. With Thanksgiving tomorrow and everything, I just don't feel very strong today. And I miss him so much. For some reason, the people around me don't think I deserve to hurt over this because it's been six months, and hiding it is really starting to bring me down big time. At the risk of sounding like a pathetic loser, I just don't feel like I'll ever feel like myself again.
Re:I just want to be strong Buggs: "At the risk of sounding like a pathetic loser, I just don't feel like I'll ever feel like myself again"
Ah, wrong. You will with time be yourself and you have to beleive that. I realize its been six months, however, you should continue to deal with your situation one day at a time, just one single day at a time. We have the tendency to beat ourselves up more than we need to when in reality you should look at how much courage you have for taking the emotional rollercoaster ride to pursue your happiness.
Enjoy your day and have a wonderful thanksgiving!
buggs
Re:I just want to be strong saddayin the bay: I feel the same way. "Like I'll never feel like myself again" I am sorry for your situation. I too, want to stop my divorce, but I dont think it is going to happen. She is too far gone. I thought I was a great husband, actually I know I was. But she drinks too much and takes Paxil...not a good combonation for a healthy marriage (she lost her senses and cheated while in an Army school). I left her in April, just to re-evaluate things, she left for Iraq. I took care of her while she was there, sending care packages, paying her bills..etc.. She begged me to stay married, while over there, she said it would work out, she would get help and all that other handfed garbage. Eventually, I realized I did want to work it out, so I invested everything into saving us and assuring we would stay together.
1 1/2 months ago, i stop getting the calls and emails I had been getting. She finally calls and says it is over and when she comes home for R&R in a couple weeks, we are filing. I was devastated yet again. I cant even put food to my mouth because I feel as if I will gag. I have to drink protein shakes to stay healthy. I even went for a physical the other day and I had a blood pressure of 160/90. The Doc freaked (I am only 30) so he sat down and asked if I had stress, so I told him the story and I felt alot better telling someone face to face, he checked the BP again and it was 139/87..not the best but it's at least approaching normal. I have gone thru so many ranges of emotions, from crying out loud to punching walls to being happy I am getting rid of this virus of a woman. I am trying so hard to control my emotions right now and I will probably be suffering for awhile, but I know, I will get past this. As the Bible says "This too, shall Pass". not that I'm a big bible thumper but I do like that line.. Its better than "What doesnt kill ya, makes you stronger" I wanna punch people who say that.
I have found that exercise is really helping me cope, I would suggest some sort of excercise plan at least an hour a day, it keeps me sane for awhile anyhow. I want so bad to hit the bottle, but I know that will only lead to more problems, so I vowed to stay sober thru this process.
Good luck to you, hold your head up high, talk to someone about your problems, excercise reguraly and stay sober..and you will heal faster.
Re:I just want to be strong Safetykc: Oh Marjie...you know you are not a pathetic loser...You aren't you made a choice to leave and one of the possible outcomes of that is divorce.
My STBX said the same thing. That she just wanted a break...yet signed a 13 month lease on an apt...anyway...I filed for divorce the week she moved out and she freaked out about it. So I can relate to your story...
I am so sorry things are rough for you though right now...They will get better. You are in a transitional stage in your life...and if that means being at your parents while you get it together thats what it is...but it isnt forever and you will eventually be doing great.
Hang in there and Big Hugs...
Safety
