why is life so unfair? givenup: i just don't understand why life is so much more unfair for some people than others. how does god allow these things to happen? in the past year, the love of my life walked out on me with no warning or explanation. i was then laid off, found out that my mother was diagnosed with cancer, two very close aunts were also diagnosed with cancer. i also had a sporting accident and had to have surgery. last week, i was laid off for a second time after working just a few months, and found out that i was pregnant from a stupid, drunken evening last month in which i was feeling so incredibly lonely and just wanted someone, anyone to hold me. there is no way i have the means to take care of a baby, i am now being forced to file bankruptcy, and i certainly don't want to bring a child into this hell called my life. i seriously don't think that i can handle one more thing. in the past year, my life has been on the fast track to hell. and i'm just afraid that its only going to get worse. i just don't know what to do anymore. the harder i fight to take care of myself and be strong, the harder life fights me back. and here i am on thanksgiving, alone, thinking that i just don't want to fight anymore. i don't have the strength and i don't see the point anymore. i can't possibly take anything else that life wants to throw at me. meanwhile, i look at others peoples lives. i know everyone has problems, but some people have it so friggin' easy! take my sister. she's been married 10 years to a loving, supportive, attractive husband. they have a beautiful house, 3 beautiful kids, he's got a great job, they have lots of friends. she loves her life. the worst problem she has ever had to deal with is whether or not one of the kids might be catching a cold, does her $50k car need an oil change, and which exotic island her husband might take her to celebrate their anniversary. seriously. don't get me wrong- my sister has a heart of gold and deserves everything that she has. but do i deserve everything i've gotten? two years ago, i had a promising career, a doting husband, a nice house, plans for a great future and family with the one that i love. now, i'm contemplating abortion and unemployment and bankruptcy, all alone in my tiny crappy apartment. everything in my life that has ever been good has been taken away from me. i'm almost at the point where i don't even want anything good to ever happen to me again; because that too will be taken away from me.
anyway, obviously i just felt like ranting. i don't want anyone to get the wrong impression, i'm not contemplating suicide or anything like that. i'm just FED UP with this world and the fact that i am forced to deal with it. obviously everyone here has had a lot to deal with. but you know what? its just not fair. of course life isn't fair, but it should be. we should all be shouldering the pain equally instead of unbearable amounts of it being dumped on just a chosen few. anyway, i know everyone is just going to tell me that i'm depressed and i need therapy. but a therapist isn't going to take away the crap happening in my life, and how can you feel good about being laid off, divorced and lonely? i just don't see the point. and frankly, the last thing i want is for someone to teach me to hope again, so that i can continue to be disappointed by life and everything it denies me.
Re:why is life so unfair? picadilly: Givenup,
oh, I'm so sorry that you've had that rough a year. No one deserves this, it's hard to say why bad things happen to good people. I haven't lost my job yet but the strain of my separation is showing in my work I think, I've been trying to get my life together & I think I'm getting back on track... very slowly, but surely. I think with the new year coming up, you never know what it holds. Maybe a new job, a new love? there is always something just around the corner & not all of it will be bad.
Regarding your one night stand, I think allot of people have had those after a bad break up. It's up to you if you feel you want to keep this baby or have it aborted, know that this is ultimately your decision & that you'll live with the choice you make for the rest of your life. It's not an easy choice but be glad your fee to have it.
Regarding your sister, I can't say much there except that she may not have it as good as you think. Remember that two years ago, by all appearances, your marriage was rock solid, hell, 2 months ago my marriage looked rock solid. Also, remember that it's her mother & aunts that have cancer too. So life may not be rosey for her too right now. Maybe have a coffee date with her & talk about your problems... ask her advice on the baby issue.
I really believe you need to talk to someone about all this, if it be family, friend or therapist. Ojar is a great place to vent, no one here really knows your life so you can say anything without feeling awkward. We are all going through hard times now, no pity here... just empathy. We all understand how hard things are now.
Chin up, things will get better with some more time.
Re:why is life so unfair? galil: The man upstairs has a master plan for ALL of us. There is a plan for you and I beg you dont give up five minuts before the miracle. It will happen for you and I hope we are all able one day to see what that miracle is.
hang in there you aint alone.
Re:why is life so unfair? Safetykc: I can't say it any better than Picadilly did, except ditto...
Life can seem unfair. I have had serious illness in my family recently and deaths right before that as well.
3 months ago I was happily, I thought married and now my job is messing with me too, but not laid off yet...but those are looming.. :'(
Anyway, as Pic said, we are all here for you. OJAR is for the most part a wonderful, if painful place to visit and get support from those of us who understand your pain on one level. No one truly understands your individual pain but you. Family and friends, and of course counseling can be such a help.
Meanwhile we are here for you as long as you need us.
The OJAR gang.
Re:why is life so unfair? Metis: Givenup,
I'm with you. I can't understand the unfairness.
All around me are happily married people (as far as i know, anyway) with happy children.
I had two miscarriages, then he walked out on me.
I;m scared and lonely and
I still think you have a lot of courage to be thinking as hard as you are about your decision.
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