Ho-hum SunnyFlower: So....yesterday was the first Thanksgiving without my stbx.
I was doing fine....
Worked the night before (holiday pay!!) and slept a few hours in the morning...my son was dropped off about lunch time....got dressed and ready to go to dinner with my family at my parents house....half the day gone already and didn't give it much thought.
Then, my mom, who meant well, starts asking me how my holiday is going since it's the first without "him", and if I am hanging in there....meanwhile this stupid sad Christmas song comes on the radio and I start crying...ugh...I was doing fine!! I know she meant well....managed to make it through dinner and things were okay. I get home and put my son to bed and start thinking that last year this time I had someone to spend the night with....got me upset all over again...ho-hum.....and it's not like I even want to be with HIM. I just feel so guilty because I feel like I let my son down...I took away his chance for the "perfect" family, to give him whole brothers and sisters...I don't know...but I suppose it wouldn't have been fair to my son, either to stay in a marriage I wasn't happy in....
Anyway....I am done. Sometimes you just need to spill it...and drink a six pack! ;)
Re:Ho-hum Safetykc: Sunny Sunny Sunny...I am so sorry...
You didn't let your son down. Try not to focus on this "perfect" famly thing. Would it have been the perfect family with you in an unhappy marriage? Just so your son had ful siblings. I know that means a lot to you and I am not discounting it. But you being in a happy healthy working relationship where you are happy is more important for your son to see growing up than having full blood siblings in an unhappy one. Kids will love each other whether half. whole, quarter, or none(adopted) if raised in the right atmosphere of love and guidance and raised right in a happy home.
You know that. I am sorry that the questions hurt. My friends only asked me one, if we had talked and then avoided the subject. LOL...There learning...keeping my rants to OJAR this time.
Take care Sunny and you will find your way. Remember our conversation and think about what kind of Sunflower you want to be. I know you want to be a healthy happy one, regardless of anything else...
Big KC hugs...
Safety
