Re:Feelings of Losing it All robert98: Well it has been three months and I can report some positive news. I did make it out of the complete hell hole. A few things that helped a lot were to get finally back into strong cardio, get a doctor's help and one of Wayne Dyer's books. Things still are crap but not the living hell that they once were. Thanks for listening.
Re:Feelings of Losing it All Old_Shoes: [quote author=robert98 link=board=1;threadid=15;start=0#msg290 date=1060083695">
Someone should write a new inspiration book with 20 chapters -- 20 case studies of people who had their life go from good/great and then in one fell swoop falls apart -- then how did they rebuild.[/quote">
That's what OJAR is/was for me. Except with so many more stories. I wish we still had all the old posts. So many stories to relate to.
Glad to hear things are going better for you.
I felt pretty much the same way 11 months or so ago. Totally devastated. Not eating and all those feelings. I didn't lose my job, but I was just going through the motions at work. I was a complete mess for quite a while.
Keep on doing what's working for you. Things will keep getting better, but there are always some set backs.
Re:Feelings of Losing it All massconfusion: Hi Robert--
I ssssssssoooooooo know what you mean!! It is definitely hard to get out of the bed sometimes--feel like you have nothing to look forward to. I was just thinking today about how I feel like I'm just kind of existing--seems like there's no light, no hope, just kind of biding my time until I kick the bucket. How horrible to feel that way!! And how horrible to have someone make you feel that way about yourself! But then I remembered something...Karma is a B@#$H--what we dish out comes back on us three fold. Not that I wish that kind of grief on anyone, not even my ex (NO one deserves to be treated this way)--but it is very sad what is to come down the road--for your ex as well.
Important to remember--EVERYTHING in life moves in cycles--so hold on tight--life will be good again--probably better.
If it makes you feel any better--my husband did sign the house over to me (good, I have some equity), but now I'm responsible for paying for it. I just had a baby 5 months ago (I also have a 3 year old), so I haven't been working. I have been trying to get a job to cover my bills for the last 3 months, and nothing. I have little experience in anything that will do me good here, didn't finish my degree, and my dufus ex has not dropped so much as a dime my direction yet--I will force him to take care of his kids, however. Point made, I actually can't move in with my parents because at present they live too far away, so look at the bright side--you have that support--lean on it until you can get back on your feet. It's actually a very positive thing for you right now--and it's not permanent, just temporary.
My thoughts and prayers are with you--I know how dark it can seem sometimes, I'm sorry for your pain. Take good care--
MC
Re:Feelings of Losing it All robert98: Thanks MC for the thoughtful words. I wish you the very best.
Re:Feelings of Losing it All robert98: Well it's been almost six months and I'm feeling good overall but still bummed.
I found this stuff on a web site and it made me kind of "wake up". Taken with a few grains of salt it is pretty good stuff!
---
MYTH: Having a girlfriend / fiancée / wife means someone will finally understand me.
TRUTH: Understanding—true understanding—takes decades. If you spend most of your time with the love of your life trying to explain yourself, she will have nothing but contempt for you, for two reasons. First, because she doesn't want to hear your whining (see above). Second, and more important, women want to maintain the self-delusion that they already understand men. Women everywhere claim that they understand men and that "men are simple creatures." The truth is that women haven't a clue where most men are coming from and furthermore they care only insofar as they want to control us. Nonetheless, they want to maintain the fiction that they have us figured out.
It's a pride and status thing. A woman who doesn't "understand" her man can't control him, and a woman who can't control her man is a loser. The more you try to explain yourself, the more complex and multi-dimensional you become (a.k.a. "difficult"), and the less she can claim to understand you.
Besides, most of the time you're explaining yourself to her you're really trying to figure yourself out. Go do it in a corner, hire a professional listener, or join a men's group. She doesn't want to hear it. If you master the art of keeping your problems to yourself she will complain bitterly about this. She will bitch and whine that you're not open enough and that she has to drag things out of you. She will also secretly love this. It gives her one more thing to complain about to her friends.
MYTH: If only I could meet the right woman, my life would have meaning.
TRUTH: If your life doesn't have meaning right now, when you're single, then a relationship isn't going to help. You'll pile too much baggage on top of the delicate emotional bonds too early, and the whole thing will collapse like a house of cards. Want to see this in action? Watch women: they do this all the time. In particular, women who whine about men who can't make a commitment are probably doing exactly this: looking to a man to make their life mean something. It doesn't work.
The only way to have a happy life is to develop one for yourself, then leave an opening for someone else to come and share it with you. Neither of these two things is easy. In particular, it's too easy once you've developed a life for yourself to end up with someone who was doing exactly what you were doing before—waiting for Prince Charming (or in your case Lady Love)—to come and rescue her life. People like this end up draining away all of that energy you've worked so hard to build up, leaving you exhausted and frustrated.
Take it from me: I waited for Lady Love for decades. Finally I gave up, got angry, got off my ass and tried to make a life for myself, and suddenly I was surrounded by women who wanted to date me. After a while I met someone who was very special to me and I married her. Now my life is about the same as before, but I have someone with whom to share it. As much as I prefer being with someone, I must tell you that having her with me doesn't make my life any more or less meaningful. I'm pretty much where I was before, only now I have company, which is nice.
[P.S.: After two years she turned into one of those people who was waiting for her life to mean something, and she drained away all of my good energy. Oh well. Some things just don't turn out as planned, no matter how hard you try. Rats.">
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