Addiction achingallover: Hey guys - wondering if anyone else out there is addicted to their stbx/x. I swear to god, I am like an alcoholic with this man - complete with withdrawl siezures. I am having meltdowns left and right - emotional siezures. Whenever I see him, as he works from the house and comes here to work until after mediation and I move out - my heart races, I get a knot in my stomach. I can't even look at this man. I don't know how to be around him. Do I look him in the eye do I pretend that he isn't there, do I try to be cordial? Then when he's not here, I'm wondering where he is. What he's doing. Who he's with. I'm thinking about the good times we had together. Going through the songs he wrote me. Thinking of how he supported me through my dad's death from alzhiemer's 2 years ago. Looking at pictures. Missing him deeply. Not understanding why I"m not worth his effort to work on us - after 10 years. I swear to god, I wish there was some pill I could take to detox this person from my soul. It's the hardest damn thing I've even had to do - especially as a raging codependant on my way through recovery! How could he leave me now? I"m not cooked yet! Neither is he! I just wish I could reach inside myself and pull all the parts of him that exist in my out, and burn them!
Re: Addiction pilotswife: Focus on you, and what you need to do for you.
Start a new hobby or interest.
When you heart starts pumping, exercise.
When the thoughts start flooding, think why am I obsessing about something I can't fix or change.
What do I need to fix or change in myself.
What are my fears about abandoment about, is it appropriate to this situation?
And if all eles fails, let go and let God.
Re: Addiction justmenow: I used to be addicted to my stbX. I think I spent more time living his life than he did. It took some serious soul searching to remember what it was that *I* liked to do, but I'm slowly coming around. You need to consciously distract yourself with things you like to do - heck, even try something new! Now is as good of a time for that as any.
Re: Addiction JASPER: I can sympathize with what your giong through.A nd everyone told me the same things stay busy find a hobby etc...But how busy can one person be all the time?When I'm busy I dont think about my situation as much but what happens on days when you have nothing to do when your lonely and need companionship?I spend so much time kickin it so I wont have to think about it but that never lasts for long.Do I find someone else to spend time with so I wont think of him so much or is it to soon for that?My only hope is that all this answers will come in time until then I do what ever apeases me and feel however I want good or bad and hope for better days to come.
Re: Addiction achingallover: Hey Jasper - I'm like you. It's sort of a catch 22 because I"m so depressed I don't want to do anything but I'm depressed because I'm not doing anything but thinking about the divorce! I think it's a balance. A balance between staying busy and allowing yourself time to grieve this loss. And lots and lots of personal therapy. I am finding reparenting work to be the most helpful thing I've done in my life. It has helped the lonliness to subside quite a bit.
But it still sucks....
;)
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