Down side of the rollercoaster leem03: Ok so I've done nothing all day today. I mean I've done laundry, cleaned some, but that's about it. My daughter is at my parents & I don't feel like doing anything, but I'm miserable doing nothing. I call my parents to see if they want to go out to dinner. They're having left-overs...No thanks! I call my brother & his wife & I may go with them later, but who knows. Most of the friends I have are all attached so just picking up and going somewhere isn't likely.
So instead I just sit around and have a pity party for myself. I've talked to stbx a few times today. Not much real conversation just blah blah and that's about it. He accuses me of talking to a friend of his and gets all ticked off about it. When I say talking I mean talking about us & our situation. I told him I haven't, but indeed I have. Like I've said in other posts, I'm still hoping here. So I called on his friend to give some advice etc. Friend denied us talking as did I, so hopefully he'll believe it, but he's still not convinced.
So I sit here now in tears...over what? Nothing really. Just life. Realization that life as I knew it is no more. I don't have alot of friends to go out with and when they do ask me to go, I usually don't want to. Because I would rather just sit around because I'm depressed of what my life has become. I'm still sitting here with this ring on my finger (that I just pulled out today after months) just looking at it wondering where it all went wrong. What could I have done differently?
You know it's a day like today that I just want to scream to the world for someone to help me understand what it going on in my own life. Someone make sense of all of this madness going around. Someone tell me where to turn and please someone tell me there is a light at the end of this never ending tunnel. I hurt today. I long for life as I knew it. Please heartache go away!
Re:Down side of the rollercoaster leem03: Ok so my brother called back & I am going out to eat with them. I hung up the phone & said thank you in my head to them. Through more tears, I just don't think I could handle being alone tonight. I'm sure I will be miserable company to them, but it's times like these I really value my family.
The hurt continues!
Re:Down side of the rollercoaster nettie: I know how you feel. I'm having one of those days, too. Decorating the Christmas tree is what started it. My daughter was so adorable hanging ornaments on it, and it made me wish her dad was here with me to watch her do it. I feel so single today, and so lonely. My ex loves Christmas, and I don't like contrived holidays. Some days it hurts so much, and today is one of those days. My daughter is sick and fussy, so I've been housebound, and have had way too much time to think about it. Good for you for getting out of the house!
Re:Down side of the rollercoaster EZ: o Leem,
have you found my journal and posted it here on ojar ???
somehow someway it does get better, many good people here have helped me to pick myself up. haveing my son with me to go out and catch a movie, eat at a nice resturant, at first i missed my wife not being there, now i enjoy my sons company and i dont even think about her when we are out. and after some great words of inspiration that i recieved here i am going to make myself go out next weekend for dinner and some live music, with friends or not i am going, i did not ask for this and i still do not want this divorce but i will somehow make this the best years for myself and my son, somehow and someway.
peace and love :)
Re:Down side of the rollercoaster picadilly: Leem03, I understand, I was feeling those exact same thoughts last weekend. This weekend I'm too busy packing & movings to pity myself right now. I have friends helping me move my stuff so this weekend I'm far from alone so thats good for me. We sold our home since I can't pay for it myself & the stbx wanted her "share" of the profits from the sale. It hurts allot, I'm sure you know, the seperation, the home sale... the loneliness.
I don't think there is anything I can say or do that would make you feel any better... there is not quick fix to the pain we're all suffering here. If there was I would share it here with everyone. All I know is that there are ups & downs on this train wreck of life that we're on. Right now your on a down, next week you could be on a up. You just have to be strong & wait for those up's.. they do come.
I'll think of you & send happy thoughts your way. :D
