Will he ever behave like a dad? casmormom: I had a post here earlier regarding the making the transitition easier for my daughters. Thanks to those who responded. Now an update. They came home on Friday and the 4 year old says to me "Daddy says he wants to get back together with you". He is living with another woman. Why does he have to say these things to the girls? They also said that he was saying bad things about grandma and grandpa (my parents). Then my 6 year old says that one night the 4year old woke up and needed daddy but they couldn't wake him up so the 6 year old got the 4 year old settled down and back to sleep. What if it had been an emergency? I know I can't control the fact that they stayed up really late and slept in their clothes and ate cold hot dogs and cold alphagetti for supper but I have some safety concerns about them not being able to wake him up. Am I wrong? Should I put a call in to my lawyer? He has them again on Sunday until Thursday. Any advice would be appreciated.
Re: Will he ever behave like a dad? sourpuss: i know you love your little ones, but you mustn't take what they say daddy said at face value.
very young children often misinterpret what is said to them and adults often give confusing information thinking children understand complicated things.
if a child asks "don't you miss us & mommy?" & dad says "of course i miss living with all of you, & i will always love mommy" comes back as "daddy loves you and wants to come home".
if you have a good enough relationship with your ex, sit down with him (and the new gal, if you can stomach it) and talk about what is being said in front of the kids, and how it is being interpreted by them.
as for not being able to wake him up, that's a different story. was g/f there? could they have woken her instead? what might be the reason for that? drunk & passed out? again, something to talk calmly about, if possible.
if you can't talk to the ex about these issues, then certainly bring them up with your lawyer.
however, it is unlikely that a custody order would be modified because he's a heavy sleeper, but if it's drugs, alcohol or a medical condition, them maybe.
but to be on the safest side, be sure your kids know they can call YOU if there's an emergency and they can't get help from dear old dad. 4 & 6 are old enough to know their phone #, address & how to dial 911.
Re: Will he ever behave like a dad? casmormom: Thanks for responding to my post. My ex and I have a no contact order because there is a criminal harassment charge pending against him (for harassing me). He used to drink excessively and do drugs so I'm not sure if that is the reason that they couldn't wake him up. I will have to ask the girls where his girlfriend was and tell them next time, if something like that happens again, to try to wake her up, although she drinks too (I know because we worked together a couple of years ago). I will also let them know that they can call me if they need to - they do know their phone number, address and 911 in emergencies. He only has a cell phone but I'm sure I can teach them how to use that as well. Thanks again
Re: Will he ever behave like a dad? sourpuss: didn't realize about the harassment. i'm very sorry.
keep a journal of the incidents as well, and keep your lawyer in the loop. if it continues, or happens alot, you will at least be able to establish a pattern of behaviour or neglect on him part.
it so blows when the grownups can't just be grownups, doesn't it?
Re: Will he ever behave like a dad? wowee: I agree with Sourpuss. I know when things first started happening for my husband & me he would come see our son sometimes & take him to the park by our house. He would come back & tell me that Daddy still loves you & Daddy still wants to be married to you - and he was only 3 at the time. Apparently he was doing the same thing on the other side & telling my husband that stuff too. He just wanted his whole family together. As for the waking up, it seems like you have a good plan of attack for that, at least on a short term basis.
