commitment and resentment inebr: Did any of you experience your stbx/ex resenting you for them being commited to you? My stbx resented me, not always but slowly through our relationship it got worse. He used to look at me with love and smiles in his eyes and that slowly turned into resentment and bitterness.
And it seemed there was nothing to turn it around. He couldn't go back to having the feeling he had before. I guess the mistake I made was by sticking by him waiting for this to turn around and for him to r"emember how much he loved me". Ugh.
The conclusion I have drawn from this is that as the relationship progressed, he felt more commited to me and as he felt commited he felt trapped and like he lost his freedom. And he resented me for that. I didn't mean to push him into a place he didn't want to be. I thought he was having trouble adjusting, ...or something.
I loved him so much. I needed commitment. Maybe he tried to sacrifice himself somehow by going as far as he did to marry me. And just because he couldn't give me what I need (or me him) it's hard to stop feeling like I love him and that we had something special. I was willing to try many different approaches to marriage (and some very alternative lifestyles) to make him happy too, to get it to work out. But then I had to feel "safe" within the marriage, I had to know he was commited to me. But then he couldn't give me that. We were at loggerheads, I suppose.
The whole thing just makes me sad. I'll get through, though. Just having a meltdown before the big court date, I suppose. :-\
Re:commitment and resentment EZ: hi Inebr
im not sure how my s2bx felt or feels as she does not share her thoughts with me anymore, but sad as it sounds she actually laughed and more than once at my commitment to her and our marriage. that more than her lies and her affair hurts the most as it seems to say that my beliefs and values are just a joke in todays world. anyway dont lose your values just beacuse someone else could not give you the same.
peace and love to you
Re:commitment and resentment Safetykc: Hang in there...The day is fast approaching and you are strong enought to face it head on...Monday is mine...
I don't know about the resentment thing...I think I may have done a little of that rather than confront some of the issues in our marriage that needed work...not her affair stuff, but the little stuff that made her and I and many couples unhappy. Division of who takes care of what, etc. Both are moodiness...she would get moody and I would get moody when I couldnt figure out how to help her...a lot of it was chemical since she stopped her medication, but I didnt' realize that...anyway I am rambling...
Just know inebr you did the best you could at the time with the tools and knowledge you had...Take the lessons learned, move forward and use them to have more successful relationships in the future...Take care and good luck to you and me on our impending court dates...
Big Hugs...
Safety
