Re: Do any relationships end normally? (diff. in ended by cheating vs. not) teacherwriterguy: I'm not sure the pain you go through is dependent on how it ended. I think the pain you go through is dependent on how invested you were in the person.
That's why first loves are so terribly difficult to get over.
I think the key factor in how hard it is to 'move on' is really how important the person was to you. Had you really opened yourself up to them? Did you trust them fully? How vulnerable were you to them? How completely had you bought into the idea that the relationship was 'forever'?
twg
Re: Do any relationships end normally? (diff. in ended by cheating vs. not) Disappointed: I think the pain I'm feeling over the loss of the relationship would be the same pain regardless of how it ended. In my case, he was a cheater. I can feel two distinct emotional reactions to the break-up. I feel sick to my stomach and incredibly wounded when I think about the infidelity. But those mornings when I wake up and don't even think about the affair but just about the fact that he's gone, I feel a different, duller, I think even more lasting pain. It's not as sharp as the pain I felt when I discovered receipts for expensive dinners (and pix of her!) in my ex's desk drawer. It's a resonant pain that fills the void where he used to be in my life and in my heart.
Anyway, I think the pain from the loss would be the same either way. Unfortunately we have two levels of pain to deal with since they treated us so badly: pain from the trust shattering and pain from missing the good parts of the relationship.
Re: Do any relationships end normally? (diff. in ended by cheating vs. not) riversandlakes: thanks for sharing that experience, twg.
without the experience (yet?) to back it up, i was thinking along the same lines. without cheating, why not friendship? if it ended honestly, there was no betrayal. without betrayal, there was no stabbing track record to refer to...
friendship after cheating is a Pandora Box...
Re: Do any relationships end normally? (diff. in ended by cheating vs. not) mophead123: I agree, how would you possibly want to share ANYTHING with someone you don't have an ounce of respect for. I remember when she pleaded with me to give her another chance she said "I know everything I say right now you think is a lie." The truth is that IS how I felt a few months ago, and I'm not sure how different I feel now as well. On the other hand, she has done nothing to make me feel otherwise. Like I said, she decided that it was futile on her own. That way she wouldn't have to make an effort and continue with her new beau! Well isn't that convenient.
Re: Do any relationships end normally? (diff. in ended by cheating vs. not) Samarra: My very first relationship with my xh ended very amicably...put simply...we fell out of love with one another.
There was no betrayal...neither of us had cheated....therefore it was easier to re-establish those bonds of friendhip that tied us to each other to begin with.
My last relationship...well there's another story...the lies...deception..anger, made it so much more painful.
How can you remain friends with someone who has hurt you to the core of your being? Impossible.
My friends do not hurt me in this way...if they did they would no longer be my friends.
Of course there is a difference...while both are painful...only one you can fully recover from with any dignity.
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