Here is my story. I need some help. Shamed: She left me two days ago, to go stay at a friends house. Personally, I think she is out with another guy. I have talked with her about my previous relationship, where I was cheated on after 7 years... And she has always assured me she would NEVER do anything like that, but she has also been caught lying to me numerous times.
Let me apologize for this long post now, Im sure its boring to read for some of you... But please finish and give me some advice, I am in desperate need of it.
She told me two days ago, in not so many words that she thinks Im a loser and Im dragging her down. She said she was leaving and she did. She called me yesterday and told me that she was still leaving me, but that she would come home. I assumed it was to get her belongings and leave.
I have been told I should just keep what I bought for her and go sell it, to get the money back for paying the rent here. We just signed a year lease and we havent even lived here a month and she is already bailing on me. Right now there is no way I can afford this place by myself. I have already been the sugardaddy in this relationship for far too long, even though she loves to deny it.
I dont think I want to make the situation any worse than it already is though. If I keep her stuff, it will just drag the situation out and make it worse. I will have to screw over the really nice landlord here. I dont want to leave, I dont want her to leave. I just want her to be able to deal with problems in life, and life is ABOUT problems more times than its not... She seems to think that if she isnt always happy, that she can just run away. I want to work things out, but I dont want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with me anymore. It will just make me dislike her, be jealous and feel embarassed.
What should I do when she comes to get her stuff. I see one of two possible scenarios.
1. She comes back to get her possessions and leave.
Should I try and talk her out of it? Or should I just try my best to ignore her and let her leave. I so want our relationship to work out, but it doesnt seem that it is going too... Obviously, she left me.
2. She comes back and says that she has given it some thought. She claims she still loves me and wants to work it out.
That is really what Im secretly wishing for. I do love her, but I dont know if I want to be with someone who can just so selfishly leave me at the drop of a hat, to go run off and party or do whatever with friends (possibly a new boyfriend even)
I just dont know what to do. I just wish that if it was truly over, she could have came home today and gotten her stuff and left. At least then I would be forced to deal with the problem. Now, I just get to sit here and mull all of the possible scenarios over in my head when she shows up next.
I dont know what to do... Im a wreck, and maybe my post wont make much sense to some of you. There are a lot of other issues, but even though things dont always work out the best for me. I do give everything my all. Ive always been 100% honest with her, even when she doesnt want to hear what I have to say. I love her and want to be happy with her, I just dont know if that is possible.
I had to really edit the crap out of this post. It was a LOT longer than this, unfortunately there is a limit on the amount of text you can post.
Can any of you give me any advice?
Re: Here is my story. I need some help. Shamed: Here is some more information that might help.
We would have been together for 2 years on November 13th. We met each other in michigan, both lived there for 7 months and then both moved down here to Phoenix. We have been living together for the majority of our relationship.
She is very selfish most of the time and will only do things that benefit her one way or another. She is constantly complaining. She is constantly telling me how she feels, "bad" as in physically bad. Our sex life has been absolutely horrid for the past year and a half. At first, her excuse was that it hurt to have sex. She went and saw the doctor at least a dozen times and eventually she settled with the fact that she might have endomitrosis, even though she has never been officially diagnosed. Well, that excuse worked for a bit, but I literally have to BEG for sex. She is always tired, and whenever we do have sex... She is always complaining that I need to hurry up because it hurts. She has never let me try and sexually please her. She doesnt even let me TRY. She refuses any kind of foreplay, and she has always been like that. She just wants to go at it and get it overwith. Been like that since day one. I figured it would change, but it never has.
Anyway, I know I have my faults too. I am not a perfect person and there were things that I could have done to make things better for us. But, I have ALWAYS been the one to try the hardest to keep the relationship happy. She is always trying to start fights. Yet, she can be the kindest, sweetest, most beautiful person in the world. I have been steamrolled by her too many times to count, lied too numerous times.
But for some reason, I want to be with her still. Am I a loser? Do I lack self-esteem. I keep having this hope that she will come back and everything will turn around. Im pretty sure its false hope and I cant just get over here in a couple days. I know she is out there, not even thinkin about me.. and having fun. Im sure she isnt losing any sleep over it.
Anyway, Im sorry for the long post. I just need to talk to someone.. to vent, to get this out. I dont want to be taken advantage of anymore, but I do love her... And as stupid as it may sound, I hate the fact that I just have to sit here and wait for her to show up when its convenient for her. If I dont, she will probably break in.. take her stuff and demolish some of mine.
I dont know what to do, or what to feel. I feel horrible. Ive been crying all day. I havent really eaten or slept in two days.
Can someone please tell me what to do.
Re: Here is my story. I need some help. Samarra: Hello shamed,
Sorry you find yourself here but welcome.
Life is about problems and knowing how to deal with them but unfortunately not all of us can...and it looks like you may have had the misfortune of finding one who can't.
You say you have been the sugar daddy in this relationship....may I assume she is younger?
If so...it may explain why she suddenly seems to have gotten cold feet.
The only advice I can offer is this:
If she comes to pick up her things...let her...don't try to talk her out of it. It was her decision to leave you...if her mind is made up nothing you say will change it and may exacerbate the situation even more.
If she comes to you with the purpose of working things out (your preferred scenario) by all means do! People sometimes do things impulsively they later end up regretting.
Your feelings make alot of sense...it's the waiting right now that's killing you. Once you find out...either way...what she means to do...you'll better be able to deal with it.
I hope things work out for you.
Re: Here is my story. I need some help. Shamed: Thank you for the response. Sugardaddy wasnt really the best term to use I guess. She is younger than me, but only by about 2 1/2 years.
I am 28 and she will turn 26 on August 3rd. What I meant by that was, that since we have been together. I have spent thousands upon thousands of dollars on her and us. She does have a good work ethic, but she has never made a lot of money... Now, she is leaving me after we just got this new apartment and I wont be able to keep it because of job issues and the fact that I just paid for other things that needed to be paid for. If she was here to give me her half, I would be fine.
So, you think that if she wants back I should take her back. I failed to mention that this is the third time she has left for the night saying that she was going to leave me. Both previous times we talked it over and decided to continue to be with each other. I have changed the things she has asked me to change, except for the current financial situation I/we are in. I have been trying hard to fix the problem, but havent been having much luck. She attacks me about it and it hurts me deeply, because for some reason she thinks Im doing these things to hurt her on purpose. When, that is the last thing I would ever want to do. I am not a vindictive person. I have always tried my best to comfort her and make her happy.
I want her back so badly, but I dont want the hurt to be dragged on. I dont want to feel like she is only with me because she feels she has to be. Be it guilt, or a roof over her head, or just because it has been routine. I want her back if she loves me and wants to be with me... Wants to have a good relationship.
I so want her to be happy with me.... I know its selfish, but if she leaves.. I hope she has a horrible horrible time with it. I hope she comes crawling back, so that I can deny her. Because, I under no circumstances will be playing the, "lets be friends" thing.. Or talking to her after she leaves with her stuff. If she leaves with her belongings, that is it. She can forget about ever trying to communicate with me again. Although I feel as though that wouldnt really matter to her right now... Obviously it doesnt considering she left me.
Im just so sad... I feel hollow inside, Im all choked up. It feels like I am trying to swallow a basketball.
Re: Here is my story. I need some help. Older Guy: Shamed - Welcome.
Sorry in advance if this sounds harsh to you. But after reading your posts, i'm not sure why you would even want to be witrh that person. She seems to be acting vdery selfishly and you seem to be just talking it all and letting her walk all over you.
I'm no expert, but your realtionship seems pretty one sided to me and appears like its been like that forever.
You say that you've changed what you needed to change when she threatened to leave the 2 previous times. What did she change ? if anything.
Again, you are giving, giving, giving and seems like you're getting nothing in return. You sound like a nice and kind person .....you deserve to be treated better than that.
Stop thinking about your present situation for the monent and viusulaize your future. Can you see yourself gonig through and putting up with this for the rest of your life ?
Good luck and keep the communication going. There are a lot of people on here that can give you insight and advice.
Bob
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