Re: My life is over bjs2005: You're on such a roll, I hate to interrupt. I just want you to know that what you are going through is what most of us have gone through. It helps to write and know at least SOMEONE is reading what you wrote. Someone is listening, and we ALL know how you feel.
This is not going to be fun, it is going to hurt a lot and it will not stop hurting for awhile. There is no quick fix, no pill nor bottle will make the pain go away, it will just postpone it or make it worse. However, if you feel you need to have a drink, by all means, have one or two. Crawling into a bottle just means you have to deal with the pain when you crawl out.
Don't worry about the eating, I was pretty fat when my fiancee' dissapeared into the night without warning and with all my stuff, now I'm just pretty :).
I couldn't eat, I constantly felt sick to my stomache and when that went away I just felt full all the time. Eventually I started eating again, but a little at a time and since I was already dieting so I could get that svelte look I wanted, it was a great transition.
As far as your life plan, I only have two pieces of advice for you:
1.) Want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans.
2.) A Poem, I'm sure you've all heard it before, but I found it relevant when my mind was asking the same questions.
Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.
1. The Road Not Taken
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20
Re: My life is over maine surfer: Thank you so much for your words.
I'm not really on the roll, I just keep typing to stay sane; writing and reading OJar are the only two things that are hlping. The hour 0 happened less than two days ago and I'm still in deep shock. This website is the only ray of light I've seen in these two days of dark madness. I'm sure y'all know how I feel. Thank you all for looking at my posts.
I've made God laugh pretty hard.
Re: My life is over sourpuss: keep posting, it helps...
Re: My life is over maine surfer: Just can’t force myself to go to work. Call to tell my secretary that I’ll show up 4 hours late. What is there to do in this apartment? We always considered it to be on a smaller side, but it seems huge now. I feel so lonely. All of a sudden I completely break down. I never cried like that before in my entire life. How is it possible for a grown strong confident man to cry and sob like a baby? Just like a hurt baby, out loud, with tears running down both cheeks. I start sobbing uncontrollably, fall down on the floor, jump up and run around the apartment screaming and asking for help out loud. I see my wife in every little corner of this damn place. I think I’m going crazy again. It lasts for about 40 minutes and then I slowly calm down, lie on the couch and spend a couple hours looking out of the window watching wind moving trees.
What’s happening to me, who am I becoming? Where’s that man I was a year, 6 months, 4 weeks, hell, 5 days ago? I think that he became living dead in the reality that transformed into hell.
Work, work, work. It’s waiting for me; it’s all I have left. All of a sudden it hits me – work is a mirage. I loved my work because it made me feel needed, important and powerful along with providing us good living. Now I just don’t care about my work anymore. My job has become a place to spend 8 hours. In two days I didn’t do anything, didn’t accomplish one task, didn’t even try. A few telephone calls and one lunch meeting prove that productivity fell down to zero. All I do is typing, thinking, remembering our life together and reading break up stories posted at OJar forums. And silently crying of course. My secretary has noticed something. I know as I see how she looks at my red eyes. Oh well, f-ck it. f-ck everything, I just don’t care anymore.
I feel totally lost with no place to go. I walk around the office feeling emptiness inside and all around me. I start feeling like I’m just a shell with nothing inside, the way I never felt before: a man’s shadow with no purpose. I’ve lost taste for life. Oh my God, how faded and bleak everything looks now. Life used to be so different, filled with love, hugs, kisses, good company, children’s laughs, attention, feeling that somebody is waiting for you to come back home. It was filled with so many beautiful and colorful things worth living for. What has it become? Reminded me of the WTC as it stood grand, magnificently solid and 2 hours later it lied in ruins. A perfect description of my life….. Lord, how could anybody recover from this?
Another day of my new puny life is over. I wanted to call my wife desperately, but was too scared to receive answers I don’t want to receive and hear things I don’t want to hear.
Re: My life is over riversandlakes:
At that one moment in time, it seemed like one cannot recover from the pain. It is deep. It is alien. It is literally pain, but one that refuses to kill you...
Hang in there, Maine. Please come back.
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