even the strong break.. a brooklyn love story. hybrid: i just discovered this site, looking up readings about depression online since i'm again at my worst, i'm a 22 year old kid from brooklyn, new york, about two years ago i met the love of my life. we met in college, the begining of our relationship was just plain amazing where i actually thought that my search and trail of peices of my heart would stop at this girl.. but i was wrong,
at the start we did it all, walks on the beach, walks in manhatten, fireworks every thursday and 9 from coney island peer, we went shopping together, we did laundry together, i picked her up from where she was and she would always be where i was. basically, unseperable and inlove, so much inlove that jesus would be jealous god didn't love him that much.
the fights took place a little after 4 months, but nothing major, the making up would be great i mean we had faced we both could be assholes and the only way to deal with it is communication, compromise and learn & let go.
everything i used to do that she never minded, started to matter. for one, i'm a graffiti writer, i spend a lot of my times on roofs, trains, higher grounds and visible locs to work on my art, peices, throwups and tags. this was ok with her up until a few weeks before the final break up, sadly, i'm also a drug user as well which never mattered to her because i never let it affect my judgement, it's just the fact thta i do it that gave her a whole reason to begin a fight. yet she's not far from the tree with pills and over-exceeding medication, whatever. soon, the way i walked was wrong, the way i touched her was wrong, she had grown so distant i couldn't stand it and being me i had to ask why, and this is where the worst came in..
me; i love you
her; don't make it a habbit
me; wtf but i love you
her; people fall out of love everyday, people break up
me; i want us to go on
her; i dont think we can or should
me; -bought her a white plush rose and gave it to her
her; you should give that to someone you love who loves you back
me; but it's you i love
her; don't make it a habbit i told you, i just don't love you, i don't really care about you
me; how can you say that
her; it's just the way i am now, i am different, i've grown up
me; -shows her old love letters she had written me, old e-mails and ask if they were lies
her; i only felt that way in that time, i never believed in love, or words like forever, they don't exist, it'll be ok
me; you bitch
her; deal with it, i don't love you anymore
by than i had become a psycho, i pace her neighberhood hours upon hours listening to music, i graffitied below her windows and on roofs of houses below her so she can see, where every girl would go nuts because their initials are in a huge heart, this one would do nothing more than spit on it. i started to have my friends watch over her block from time to time, to see if there was another man, and if there was, i'd commit such a sin i'd never be able to be forgiven not by anyone. and this is how i feel, and this is how i am. i've had dreams about this girl since she left me, i can't be myself infront of my friends, i used to love things like steak and shrimp and now they're tasteless. everything i used to enjoy, i can no longer enjoy because i have this incomplete thing in me that burns deeper and deeper. this whole thing made me lose motivation to do anything, from work to study work.
now, my life consists of smoking, painting in her neighberhood in hopes my tags would induce some kind of a warm memory that would cause her to talk to me again, i can't even call her now because she refuses to speak with me, this situation is so messed up i don't know how i'm alive to this point now. i walk around her neighberhood constantly to bump into her maybe, i don't know what's wrong with me.
once i walked up a street she walked down on, i looked her dead in the eyes, and she kept walking as if i was a homeless guy asking for a quarter. what have i done to deserve this? i don't know, i gave her the world, jewlery, a tv, a computer, i was gonna buy her a futon cause she has a blah bed that hurts, and what hurts me the most is.. thinking she's with another man. if i knew another man is getting treated the same way i was, from her, i wouldn't be able to bear it. i would approach the man wihtout words, only anger and fury and it would make me feel even worse but this is my animal instinct. none of my friends are there for me, everyone has a relationship, it makes me sick. i'm getting myself worse n worse, i don't know how to deal with it but the way i am now...
Re: even the strong break.. a brooklyn love story. bjs2005: All of the feelings you are having are normal, how you handle them will be the real issue. The whole conversation you had with her sounds very familiar to a lot of the stories from boards and friends I talk to. It is a clear sign that she has lost love interest in you, for whatever reason. Unless, something extremely rare happens, she's probably not going to change her mind, she sounds like she has become cold and indifferent to you and that is a definate sign of the end.
We've all been there in the beginning of being dumped. You've been dumped, for whatever reason, she's lost love interest in you. All the tagging and pacing is not going to do a thing but freak her out now. You need to move on. If God forbid, she is seeing someone else, you need to handle it like a man and just let the other guy go. Commiting violent acts against him aren't going to do anything but get you moved uptown real quick(plus you need to stop tagging, that fine is no fun either.)
I'm sorry if I sound negative pal, I just see too many people chasing after something that is not coming back. There are plenty more just like them out there, it's just a matter of finding them.
Re: even the strong break.. a brooklyn love story. hybrid: negative? not at all, lol don't apologize. you're right my way of handling it will be the main ingridient in this thing passing by, however, i don't seem to want to let go. i don't know why but i don't know any better but this love that i had, and it meant so much to me i won't let it go without a fight of somewhat.
i don't know how and what caused this girl to change over night, but i still hope for a change back and that she will come to her senses, what is it going to take? for her to get broken and run back to me? by then i would turn my back on her and tell her to go fcuk herself. imagine how i will feel after i do it, good? i don't think so.
i also can't imagine seeing her with another man, this i think is a normal feeling for all fresh break ups. i'm very implosive, if i saw her and someone else i wouldn't be able to control myself regardless of what everyone is saying. i got one assault charge over her before, with one of the guys who just won't take no as a hint, if done once, it can easily happen again which is why i became my own enemy now...
on top of it all, what bothers me the most, is this saddness. feels like a damn cloud over me wherever i go, stalking me, raining on me, and now allowing me to be happy. inorder for me to "move" on as you guys put it on this forum, i need to be happy, and i don't see it happening.
maybe there's just something very wrong with me, but this never happened until she just became so damn mean, i feel like a dog who had a nice owner, but now since i was poked with a stick for so long and burnt cigerretes all over me, i'm not looking to make friends, but just to protect myself, by all means..
blah.
(note on the tagging thing, it's a tradition done since i was 6 years old, by many crews and people before me, it's a nieghberhood thing, way deep inside of me, just one of those things people gotta understand.)
Re: even the strong break.. a brooklyn love story. abc123: dude, just leave it....
the best thing to do is walk away. youre just digging yourself a hole becuase there is no way shes coming back to you.
Re: even the strong break.. a brooklyn love story. hybrid: [quote author=abc123 link=topic=16084.msg135735#msg135735 date=1122568171"> there is no way shes coming back to you.
[/quote">
blah,
good support
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