Re: my wife cheated on me, need advice or just words. a little long. microtech1: Hey Snatcher,
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I understand the hurt and confusion that you are going through right now. It sucks and all you are looking for is a little hope. I get the sense that if you could find that one inspiring story of someone else surviving an affair you would have more strength to continue you on. This site is great for advice and people that listen. Problem is that it is a divorce and breakup site. Most on here didn't save their relationships. Lome has already given you a few links that I hope you have looked at. When I had my problems www.marriagebuilders.com was a place I started at. It is site for saving and building marriages. Check it out you will likely find that inspiration you are looking for there! Good luck and by no means am I trying to turn you away from this site. We will be here to listen and hope for the best in your struggles.
Micro
Re: my wife cheated on me, need advice or just words. a little long. Failedjedi: I cant even read the post but I can give words of encouragment...
My signifigant other has done terrible things to me....
It sucks, its terrible BUT YOU ARE WORTHY of respect and love no matter how much you may think otherwise...
Tell yourself everyday that you are special and realize that literally if you are a decent person in any way shape or form that someone or even your "Other" will realize this, and hundreds of people would love to be loved and give love back
Blind reply from an old failed jedi
There is no worse pain then being betrayed and no greater joy then recovering from it for "YOURSELF"
Re: my wife cheated on me, need advice or just words. a little long. Failedjedi: just another post in support
"YOUR GONNA MAKE IT DUDE"
man i feel for ya
Re: my wife cheated on me, need advice or just words. a little long. sisjadie: [quote author=Snatcher link=topic=16101.msg136282#msg136282 date=1122647178">
Thank you all for the advice. I wish i could hear from someone who has successfully survived an affair and become just as close to their wife as they were before, but I guess that's probably pretty uncommon. [/quote">
Wow, you were going through this a year ago and I just now came across your post. Man, I'm sorry. I want to post my story here a bit of it anyway, to maybe give you some hope. My hubby cheated and I unfortunately found out before we had even been married a year. We've been married almost six years now. I decided I wanted to do everything I could do to stay with him. He is a wonderful man and other than the biggest betrayal I believe anyone can ever make, he has been litterally, the perfect boyfriend/fiance/husband. He has stood with me through things that no one else would have the guts to help me through. (this past year I went through some tough times with some gorey situations at work and he was unable to help me through those due to a mini emotional crisis he was experiencing due to stress and we ended up making each other feel worse, it was sad, but funny,luckily we noticed what was going on and spent time with family when we needed help instead of solely relying on each other)
I can't say the trust is there, be we discussed it with each other thoroughly. I explained to him how I felt and what I wanted in my life, and asked him to tell me as much as he felt comfortable discussing. I told him I wanted to stay but explained to him that since I cared for him so deeply, this was an issue that was going to be hard for me to deal with. I told him that since the trust has been "wounded" so to speak, I would need his help in learning to trust him again. I also resolved to give him a chance. It is hard to not be bitter and become paranoid and focus on the betrayal, but you have to put that out (talk about it if possible, without offending the other party), deal with it, and get past it. When we fight I also make an effort to not do the classic "I hate you" and slam the door. though I usually slam a door, I usually state "I'm sorry but I'm really mad at you right now." or "you're not my favorite person at the moment, I need some time alone." Then after I cool down, we can then talk about what it is we need to talk about. I try to be rational and I try to not hurt his feelings, and when I am trying to not hurt him, I tell him before I say anything that my intentions are not to hurt him. I have said several times, "I'm sorry, and I don't want to upset you, but you have to understand that at this moment, I don't trust you with what you are telling me." and then he usually presents good, logical reasons as to why and how I can trust him. you both have to work on it, and you have to work together. We haven't been to counseling but as long as we both feel we are making progress, we don't see any need to. When one of us starts to loose hope or feel like we aren't getting anywhere we each suggest counseling and then we talk things through. If we ever don't make progress and neither one of us can show the other one progress they aren't seeing, that is when we have agreed we will go to counseling. For us, divorce will probably always be very close to not being an option at all.
It isn't the same as when we were first married, but we are becoming closer in other ways. Our relationship is almost that of having a best friend that is a relative. They know all your secrets, and they love you anyway. People let people down, and to me this is one of the worst ways anyone can do it, but sometimes it's worth working through. I don't have the butterflies in my stomach anymore, and there is a lot more worry when things aren't as I expected them to be at a particular moment, but we are working on it, and so far, it only continues to get better, and we continue to get stronger. I am confident that all will be well in our relationship, I hope yours works out as is best for the both of you, be it together or separate, and I wish you the best from here- I wish you hope.
~Jade
Re: my wife cheated on me, need advice or just words. a little long. flyaway: excellent positive post, Jade. thanks for sharing. :)
Click More for the next page.
