Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? ChristyM: I had a friend that was in a similar situation and have also dated a few guys like this. My biggest concern would be if something happened in the future that caused your looks/weight to change would he be the type of guy to just leave. There's a way to be supportive and encouraging -- I know b/c I don't have the best body and my ex was a bodybuiler. He was always willing to show me exercises to do and the right things to eat but he was NEVER critical of my body. Just be honest with him the next time and tell him "you know, do you honestly think making comments like that helps anything or makes me feel good?" If he just blows it off then you know he doesn't care about your feelings. The fact he got all pissed off when you threw something back at him really pisses me off. All his good qualities will be overshadowed by just that one quality. No matter how he couches it, it's still tearing you down.
Christy
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? lemondrop: [quote author=jillieb44 link=topic=16529.msg139375#msg139375 date=1123101579">
Not worth it.
I think you know the answer.
Jillie
[/quote">
On the one hand, I kind of agree with you. But there are some amazing things about him too andI love the time we spend together... I went away to visit some friends for the weekend and he went over to my place and surprised me by planting all new grass seed in my backyard - sweet things like that - the stuff I never ask for that he just thinks to do... or taking me hiking on these awesome trails where we see amazing thigs... and the way he takes my hand and pulls me tighter into him when we're walking... or the way he makes me laugh - my god, I haven't laughed so hard in such a long time... so it's hard to think of giving all that up when sometimes I think that all I really need to do to fix the problem is just lose some weight. Maybe that's just a band aid though... but honestly, I think if I got really fat he would leave... or if I lost my hair, I think he would leave... or if I wound up handicapped or disfigured... I know it's not nice to think of these things but he wants a good looking woman by his side... and maybe I lost my ex husband because I stopped trying so hard (I don't honestly think that is why but sometimes the thought pops into my head - why did I feel compelled to bum around in comfy clothes around the man I loved???)... and so maybe I'm just scared to death to lose another great guy because I could have tried harder to make myself look better... I'm so torn between wanting this elusive "unconditional love" and just thinking that I need to improve myself in order to be really loved...
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? lemondrop: [quote author=ChristyM link=topic=16529.msg139379#msg139379 date=1123102045">
The fact he got all pissed off when you threw something back at him really pisses me off. All his good qualities will be overshadowed by just that one quality. No matter how he couches it, it's still tearing you down.
Christy
[/quote">
Sigh... you make a good point... I just don't know what to do... I'm torn... between thinking that his comments reflect a character flaw with him versus him just being honest with me about how I would look better if I slimmed down... I liked me better when I was a size 6 so why not just go make myself be one, ya know?
Sigh...
Fat a$$ Lemondrop is heading out for the night... and will try to eat better and hit the gym harder tonight... :-[
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? jillieb44: You deserve to be loved wholly for who you are, the few extra pounds and all. If you WANT to work out and shape up, then do it for YOURSELF, not to make him love you more.
You are NOT being too sensitive; his comments are hurtful. BTDT with the ex.
The fling -- oh, baby he had so many wonderful qualities, which is what attracted me in the first place. But too many negatives to want a relationship with him. Another biggie being he wouldn't really tell me about himself -- as in a 'wouldn't you like to know' way. He was a fascinating guy, but obviously had a lot of issues with women. Not my fault, but not my job to fix him, either.
Jillie
Re: So this is probably unhealthy, right? WhiskeyGirl: [quote author=lemondrop link=topic=16529.msg139383#msg139383 date=1123102372">
... but honestly, I think if I got really fat he would leave... or if I lost my hair, I think he would leave... or if I wound up handicapped or disfigured... I know it's not nice to think of these things but he wants a good looking woman by his side... and maybe I lost my ex husband because I stopped trying so hard
[/quote">
You need to boost your self esteem BIG TIME!!!! If you think its okay for him to be this way, you are WRONG! yeah, I guess you can try really hard to keep your figure and look good for him......but go ahead and "try" to not get cancer....have chemo and lose your hair......it could happen! Go ahead and try not to get into a serious accident and wind up disfigured or handicapped....but it still could happen! Do you believe that if this happens to you than you should have to be alone.....will you be to "ugly" to expect to be loved in spite of the tough times? Is that okay with you?? Really...is it? I am sorry, lemondrop, but I just cant believe what I am hearing here ???
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